What if Irony is Judging Others for Lacking Empathy?
It can be useful
to think of intuition
as a guide.
A guide does not claim
to have the right
answer.
A guide merely claims
to know something
worthy
of paying
attention.
We may choose
to ignore the guide.
We may also choose
to follow the guide
and learn what the guide
knows.
But may we not
blame the guide
for our decisions.
The guide never claimed
to have the right
answer.
“What is the point
of life?”
we sometimes
ask.
May we not forget
that we can also ask
“What is the circle
of life?”
or
“What is the sphere
of life?”
We need not choose
to limit our lives
to a point.
To expect
is to passively await
in our assumed knowledge
of the future.
To respect
is to actively look
at the unappreciated wonders
of the present.
For each thing
we expect,
that inspires within us
anger-related emotions
like frustration
if we respect instead,
what can arise
is power
and confidence.
The kind
that comes from discovering
choices
we did not know
we had.
When
we disagree with someone
we can intend
to be right
by telling them
they’re wrong
or
we can intend
to make them right
by connecting their words
to a context in which
they’re right.
The option to do
either
is almost always
there.
May we ask ourselves
why we choose
one
over
the other.
When I rescue,
I
take responsibility
for carrying out the actions
that increase the chance
of someone’s survival.
When I support,
I help someone
learn
the choice to take responsibility
for carrying out the actions
that increase the chance
of their own survival.
Bad things
are not always done
by bad people.
Bad things
are often done by people
who felt
like they had no other choice.
Choice
of either impression
or expression.
Not options,
but choice.
Good things
are not always done
by good people,
either.
Good things
are often done by people
who felt
like they have no other choice.
Choice
of either impression
or expression.
Not options,
but choice.
A tight corner
is a place, where we feel
as if we have
no choice.
To tell someone
backed into a corner
to not do something,
is to attempt
to further decrease
their choice.
In conversation,
a question worth asking
is whether we are attempting
to decrease
or increase
the number of choices
for others.
Depending on the answer,
we can often gauge
whether we are moving
in the direction of fear
or courage.
p.s: Thanks to Paul Pangaro for introducing me to the essay on Ethics and Second-Order Cybernetics that inspired this post.
Telling someone
who feels stuck
to have more patience and grit
is akin to telling
a drowning person
to keep holding their breath.
There are times
when progress is merely slow.
Then there are times
when we are stuck.
When progress is slow,
our direction need not change.
Thus,
with patience and grit
we can prevail.
But when we are stuck,
we must significantly change direction
—even if momentarily.
The question is
in which direction?
To support someone feeling stuck
may we be there
by their side
to help them learn
the requisite new choice
of direction.
It’s tempting
to think of some relationships
as having a unilateral
power dynamic.
As if our parents
have unilateral power
over us.
As if our bosses
have unilateral power
over us.
As if our investors
have unilateral power
over us.
What we inevitably learn
is that we also have power
over our parents,
over our bosses,
over our investors.
Why?
Because they have a vested interest
in our success.
Given this,
we can choose to see these relationships
through the lens of
“They only care about us
because they have a vested interest
in our success!”
or
through the lens of
“I appreciate
that there are people who care about us
enough to have a vested interest
in our success.”
At least two choices
we can learn.
Only one of which
helps us use
power with.