“What is the point
of life?”
we sometimes
ask.
May we not forget
that we can also ask
“What is the circle
of life?”
or
“What is the sphere
of life?”
We need not choose
to limit our lives
to a point.
Tag: Choice
Respecting vs Expecting
To expect
is to passively await
in our assumed knowledge
of the future.
To respect
is to actively look
at the unappreciated wonders
of the present.
For each thing
we expect,
that inspires within us
anger-related emotions
like frustration
if we respect instead,
what can arise
is power
and confidence.
The kind
that comes from discovering
choices
we did not know
we had.
Being Right vs Making Right
When
we disagree with someone
we can intend
to be right
by telling them
they’re wrong
or
we can intend
to make them right
by connecting their words
to a context in which
they’re right.
The option to do
either
is almost always
there.
May we ask ourselves
why we choose
one
over
the other.
Support vs Rescue
When I rescue,
I
take responsibility
for carrying out the actions
that increase the chance
of someone’s survival.
When I support,
I help someone
learn
the choice to take responsibility
for carrying out the actions
that increase the chance
of their own survival.
Good & Bad Things
Bad things
are not always done
by bad people.
Bad things
are often done by people
who felt
like they had no other choice.
Choice
of either impression
or expression.
Not options,
but choice.
Good things
are not always done
by good people,
either.
Good things
are often done by people
who felt
like they have no other choice.
Choice
of either impression
or expression.
Not options,
but choice.
Tight Corner
A tight corner
is a place, where we feel
as if we have
no choice.
To tell someone
backed into a corner
to not do something,
is to attempt
to further decrease
their choice.
Directionality
In conversation,
a question worth asking
is whether we are attempting
to decrease
or increase
the number of choices
for others.
Depending on the answer,
we can often gauge
whether we are moving
in the direction of fear
or courage.
p.s: Thanks to Paul Pangaro for introducing me to the essay on Ethics and Second-Order Cybernetics that inspired this post.
Slow Progress vs Stuckness
Telling someone
who feels stuck
to have more patience and grit
is akin to telling
a drowning person
to keep holding their breath.
There are times
when progress is merely slow.
Then there are times
when we are stuck.
When progress is slow,
our direction need not change.
Thus,
with patience and grit
we can prevail.
But when we are stuck,
we must significantly change direction
—even if momentarily.
The question is
in which direction?
To support someone feeling stuck
may we be there
by their side
to help them learn
the requisite new choice
of direction.
Power Dynamics
It’s tempting
to think of some relationships
as having a unilateral
power dynamic.
As if our parents
have unilateral power
over us.
As if our bosses
have unilateral power
over us.
As if our investors
have unilateral power
over us.
What we inevitably learn
is that we also have power
over our parents,
over our bosses,
over our investors.
Why?
Because they have a vested interest
in our success.
Given this,
we can choose to see these relationships
through the lens of
“They only care about us
because they have a vested interest
in our success!”
or
through the lens of
“I appreciate
that there are people who care about us
enough to have a vested interest
in our success.”
At least two choices
we can learn.
Only one of which
helps us use
power with.
Learning from Disgust
People
who provoke our disgust,
may also be those
from whom we can learn
our limiting beliefs.
Anytime
we encounter someone
who disgusts us,
may we ask
what we’re telling ourselves
they shouldn’t be doing.
Not to judge their behavior
as wrong or bad,
but to discover
if we believe we
shouldn’t be doing them,
either.
And if so,
may we get clarity
on the fear or concern
underlying this belief.
Because
the moment we discover
that there are times
and ways
in which the risk
underlying our fear or concern
is either manageable
or worth the cost,
is also the moment
we will realize empathy
and learn a new choice.
A new choice
that could lead
to innovation.