What if Irony is Judging Others for Lacking Empathy?
When we give advice,
we often offer
an outcome.
“Have courage.”
“Forgive him.”
“Adopt
a growth mindset.”
…
All outcomes
that arise
from a process.
…
When folks
seek advice,
they’re often seeking
a method.
Outcomes
that emerge
from a process.
So unless we can give them a methoer
or guide them through a process
offering an outcome
comes across
as nothing but a trivialization
of the process.
“I keep learning
the same lesson
over
and over
and over again.”
said the founder.
“I don’t know what
is wrong with me.”
she lamented.
“May I share a story?”
I asked.
“Yes, of course.”
said the founder.
“Before I went to art school,”
I began.
“I thought craft
was outdated.
After all,
craft
makes you repeat yourself
over
and over
and over again.
…
Why do craft,
when we have machines?’”
I explained.
“That makes sense.”
said the founder.
“Then I learned
that life
is a craft.
There is no machine
that can live
for us.
If it did,
it would no longer be
our lives.
Yes,
craft makes us
repeat ourselves
over
and over
and over again.
But that
is life.
What craft does
is it trains us
to learn
from the repetition.
We need not always
know
before we
do.
In fact,
knowing
can sometimes prevent us
from doing the very thing
that will help us learn
what we need
to know.
When confronted
with daunting distance
our desire to complete a race
can cloud our need
to take things
one step
at a time.
Resentment may judge
“I shouldn’t have to
do that.”
Wonder may ask
“I wonder what I can do
instead?”
If we have an outcome
we want to see happen
by hiring,
not merely a job description
to match,
may we take responsibility
for clarifying and communicating
what that is.
If we wish to fulfill the purpose
for having been hired
instead of merely offering skills
and completing tasks,
may we take responsibility
for discovering and clarifying
what outcome
we were hired
to realize.
The quicker
we free ourselves of the judgment
that we are doing something
for
others
and admit
that we are doing something
because we feel
pleasant emotions
knowing what we did
mattered to others,
the quicker we can go beyond
the dualistic paradigm
of selfish
vs altruistic
and begin the creation
of a virtuous cycle
or the destruction
of a vicious cycle.
When sharing our stories
we sometimes also share
the weight we carry
as the sole bearer
of our stories.
When we hyper-empathize
we can conflate
what is in our own best interest
with what is in the best interest
of the other
with which
we hyper-empathize.
That other
maybe our company,
our children,
or any number
of “others.”
Doing our best
requires clarity,
acceptance,
and appreciation
of our own
limits.
Otherwise
we may confuse our best
with someone else’s:
someone
with different
limits.
Such confusion
can give rise to shame
and doubt,
preventing us
from doing our
best.