What if Irony is Judging Others for Lacking Empathy?
Sometimes
we think the reason why
we feel anxiety
is because of the burden we feel
to keep our promise
to our investors.
But upon realizing empathy,
with ourselves
or our investors,
we may realize
that it may actually be
because we judge ourselves
as less capable
of carrying the burden
than others.
When someone judges us
a “difficult
case,”
it can be easy
to blame ourselves
for being
a “difficult,
case.”
While this may mean
there is something extraordinary
about us,
it also means
that someone with greater skills
will not not judge us
a “difficult
case.”
p.s: This was inspired by a meeting with a doctor who called my wife a “difficult case,” while asking her to work with another doctor with more experience and skill. An unfortunately common case of compassion without empathy, displayed by many of us, including yours truly, when we take on the role of caregiving.
When someone
is striving toward a goal,
dissuading them from the goal
can be the very definition
of being
unsupportive.
We can rationalize why
we are right
to dissuade them.
We may even argue
that it’s for their own
good.
What doesn‘t change—
until their goal changes—
is that we are perceived
as unsupportive
to them,
and thus perceived
to not be
on the same
team.
Resentment may judge
“I shouldn’t
have to
do that.”
Wonder may ask
“I wonder
what I can do instead?”
When we judge ourselves
as selfish,
it is often nothing more
than a symptom
of our fear of being judged
by others
as selfish.
We are only
“lost”
in relation to
where we want
to go.
If we don’t know
where we want
to go,
we may instead be
faced with an opportunity
for exploration
and play.
Unless,
of course,
we think we know
where we want
to go,
because we conflate
where we want
to go
with where we think
we should want
to go.
In which case,
we may still feel
“lost.”
“When
did you start losing
trust
in the CTO?” I asked
the CEO.
“Our 3rd co-founder
was underperforming.
He came to us one day
to explain
that his underperformance
was due
to his father’s
illness.”
he answered.
“After he left,
the CTO told me in private
that he believed
that
was just an excuse.”
he continued.
“Sure,
it may have been
an excuse.
But the 3 of us
had been friends
for 10 years
before founding
the company.
I could easily see
how the CTO
would judge me the same way
if I were in a pinch.
…
I no longer felt
she was with me.”
he concluded.