What if Irony is Judging Others for Lacking Empathy?
People often think
greed
is wanting more.
Greed
may also indicate
a lack of clarity
around what we really
want.
Because a lack of clarity
around what we really want
can often breed anxiety
around a perpetual sense
of not having enough.
After all,
how can we have enough
of what we don’t know
we want?
“When
did you start losing
trust
in the CTO?” I asked
the CEO.
“Our 3rd co-founder
was underperforming.
He came to us one day
to explain
that his underperformance
was due
to his father’s
illness.”
he answered.
“After he left,
the CTO told me in private
that he believed
that
was just an excuse.”
he continued.
“Sure,
it may have been
an excuse.
But the 3 of us
had been friends
for 10 years
before founding
the company.
I could easily see
how the CTO
would judge me the same way
if I were in a pinch.
…
I no longer felt
she was with me.”
he concluded.
We know
we should be
more kind.
We know
we should be
more understanding.
We know
we should be
more present.
What’s difficult
is being this way
when we feel
that others
are not being this way
with us.
When people say
“I feel uncertain.”
The temptation
is to say something clever,
like
“There was never a time
that was certain.”
As true
as that may be,
that can shut down
a valuable opportunity
for innovation,
where we can support their reflection
on what negative outcome
feels certain.
Just as a maze
can be more easily navigated
when we see its whole
—from above it—
than when we see it partially
—from within it—,
when we see our problem in its whole,
the solution
can often become obvious.
Then perhaps
the first step
to seeing the whole
was to realize
that we were seeing it
from within.
That we,
our perspectives,
were a part
of the problem.
Sometimes
“weak”
is merely us judging
someone’s pain
as unworthy
of appreciation.
Much will change,
when we are willing
and able
to help others feel understood
to the same degree
with which we
want to feel understood.
Much will change
when we are willing
and able
to provide what others need,
instead of what we think
they should need.
“How many startups
have you founded?”
I asked.
“This
is my 3rd.”
she answered.
“That
could not have been
easy.” I said.
“It’s like
having kids.”
she replied
without hesitation.
“When you have them,
you tell yourself
‘never again!’”
she continued
smiling.
“But somehow
you forget that
and before you know it
you’re having
another one.”
The root
of “wisdom”
is “weid-,”
“to see.”
When we realize empathy,
we connect
our experience
with that
of another.
Experiences
we did not know
to connect.
And it is in that instant,
we come to see
something
we previously
did not.
If Steve is right
that creativity
is coming to see something
others
could not
by connecting
experiences,
then perhaps realizing empathy
is creativity
imbued with the wisdom
of love.
First time,
just do
to learn.
Second time,
do and apply
what you’ve learned.
Third time,
optimize.
Then
move on.