What if Irony is Judging Others for Lacking Empathy?
Often times
we say we want something
when really
we want to prevent
something else.
Something
we do not want.
Some say
they want
growth,
but really
they do not want
to be small.
Some say
they want
wealth,
but really
they do not want
to be poor.
Some say
they want success,
but really
they do not want
to fail.
Playing
not to
lose
instead of playing
to win.
We are only
“lost”
in relation to
where we want
to go.
If we don’t know
where we want
to go,
we may instead be
faced with an opportunity
for exploration
and play.
Unless,
of course,
we think we know
where we want
to go,
because we conflate
where we want
to go
with where we think
we should want
to go.
In which case,
we may still feel
“lost.”
Vengefulness
can be
a request.
One saying,
“I want you
to empathize.”
“I want you
to empathize
with what it was like
for me to go through
what I went through.”
“I want my experience
to be appreciated,
respected,
and deemed worthy
of attention.”
“I want my experience
to matter.”
We feel compassion
when we feel concern
for another person’s suffering
and desire
to enhance their welfare.
While sounding
virtuous,
compassion becomes
dangerous
when we have difficulty
realizing empathy
with the
concerns
and desires
of our own
or others,
leaving us unable
or unwilling
to manage our impulses
to hastily act,
in the name of “help,”
often feeling surprised
even resentful
of the other person’s response,
as we judge them
ungrateful,
resistant,
or stupid.
It’s easy to think
that the things
other people want us to do
are more important
than what we want to do.
It can seem
that doing what we want to do
is selfish and bad
while doing what others want us to do
is altruistic and good.
And yet,
we are the proverbial “other people”
to somebody else.
May we pause
to deeply wonder
what it is we’re doing
and ask ourselves
the wonderous question
of “why?”
Why have we prioritized
certain tasks
over others?
May we live life
as the wonderous
and paradoxical
mystery
that it is
instead
of merely a series of problems
to be solved,
otherwise
our lives
can easily turn into something
akin
to a hamster wheel.
Having enough
does not mean
having
abundance.
Having enough
means
having space
without the desire
to fill it.
Having abundance
does not mean
having enough,
either.
In fact,
abundance
can fuel
greed.
Having enough
requires an appreciation
of space.
“Explain to me simply,
What it is
you want.”
he asked.
“I want people to have
not just personal computers,
but also personal supporters.”
I responded.
“I promise you,
just as we ask ourselves now
how did we live
without personal computers,
there will come a day,
when we will ask ourselves
how did we live
without personal supporters?”
I continued.
What if
we’re too busy
helping
…
to realize
that we
need help?
What if
we’re too busy
wanting
…
to realize
that we already
have it?
What if
we’re too busy
persuading
…
to realize
that we need only
ask for it.
“I don’t know how
to persuade him” said the founder.
“What
do you want to have happen?”
I asked.
“I want to persuade him.”
she responded.
“No.
What do you want to have happen
by persuading him?”
I asked again.
“…”
“I want you
to move your focus away from the how
to what it is you really want.” I remarked,
breaking the silence.
“What do you want?”
I asked again.
“I want…
…
I want to feel supported.” she answered,
after much thought.
“When’s the last time
you felt supported by him?”
I asked.
“I’ve never felt supported by him.”
she answered.
“Then what makes you so sure
that persuading him
is the way to feel supported?”
I asked.
Those of us
who started our companies
with nothing more
than “I want this!”
often lost our way
when we started wanting
things others say we should want
or things we assumed others wanted.
It was often
not until we got near the death
of our companies
and had to face
either those to whom we are indebted
or those whom we had to let go,
that we were forced
to return to the simple question
“What do I want?”
A question often misunderstood
as an expression of greed
or selfishness,
when in fact,
it can be the fuel
for the most empathic expression.
An expression that can provide value
to our customers,
partners,
employees,
shareholders
family
and ourselves.
An expression
born out
of a beginner’s mindset.