Development
has a grain
as do
a piece
of wood.
May we take responsibility
for supporting someone
in alignment with their developmental grain
instead of staying stuck blaming them
for our own lack of insight
into their developmental grain.
Tag: Support
Overthinking
There is no such thing
as “over-”
thinking.
There is merely
“thinking”
that either we
or others
judge
as “too much.”
Instead of judging ourselves or others,
may we realize empathy
with our own thought process
so we can learn
why
our mind is behaving the way it is,
then support them
to address its concerns
to relieve it
of its tension.
Two Birds with One Stone
Sometimes
we complain that our advice falls
on deaf ears.
If so
it may be worth discerning
the kind of problem
to which we’re giving
advice.
One type of problem
is a dilemma.
A dilemma arises
when we want to catch two birds
with one stone.
If our advice to someone with a dilemma
is to kill
just one bird.
The likelihood
of that advice falling on deaf ears
is high.
Same Team
When someone
is striving toward a goal,
dissuading them from the goal
can be the very definition
of being
unsupportive.
We can rationalize why
we are right
to dissuade them.
We may even argue
that it’s for their own
good.
What doesn‘t change—
until their goal changes—
is that we are perceived
as unsupportive
to them,
and thus perceived
to not be
on the same
team.
Autonomy without Support
Giving autonomy
to someone who lacks support
can be quite similar
to abandoning them.
Will you be there?
At first,
the question
may seem like
“Do you share
my interests?”
But later,
a question just as important
may be
“Will you be there
to support me
when I fall?”
The Feeling of Support
While we may think
that we’re providing autonomy
for the employees’ benefit,
our employees
can actually feel
left alone
without support.
While we may think
that we’re expressing our concern
for the company’s benefit
our employers
can actually feel
uncared for
without support.
…
Support
is an event.
Just
as the confidence of an engineer
does not guarantee
whether the structure they built
is supportive,
our intention to support
does not guarantee
that support
happens.
I Envision
I
envision a world,
where each and every one of us,
from the moment we’re born
until the day we die
can feel certain
there’s at least one person
we can reach out to
at any given moment
who can and will support us
in a way
that actually makes us feel
supported.
Need for Support
We are born
to need
the support of others.
This is more obvious,
when we’re near birth
or near death.
In between,
we may pretend
we don’t need
support
or we may think
we’re weak
if we do.
Leaning vs Falling
When someone leans on us
we sometimes mistake them
for falling,
which inspires us
to rescue them.
But all they really need
is for us
to support them
while they lean.
p.s: My gratitude goes out to Pinky Parsons for inspiring this post.