What if Irony is Judging Others for Lacking Empathy?
Often times
we say we want something
when really
we want to prevent
something else.
Something
we do not want.
Some say
they want
growth,
but really
they do not want
to be small.
Some say
they want
wealth,
but really
they do not want
to be poor.
Some say
they want success,
but really
they do not want
to fail.
Playing
not to
lose
instead of playing
to win.
We are only
“lost”
in relation to
where we want
to go.
If we don’t know
where we want
to go,
we may instead be
faced with an opportunity
for exploration
and play.
Unless,
of course,
we think we know
where we want
to go,
because we conflate
where we want
to go
with where we think
we should want
to go.
In which case,
we may still feel
“lost.”
It’s easy to think
that the things
other people want us to do
are more important
than what we want to do.
It can seem
that doing what we want to do
is selfish and bad
while doing what others want us to do
is altruistic and good.
And yet,
we are the proverbial “other people”
to somebody else.
May we pause
to deeply wonder
what it is we’re doing
and ask ourselves
the wonderous question
of “why?”
Why have we prioritized
certain tasks
over others?
May we live life
as the wonderous
and paradoxical
mystery
that it is
instead
of merely a series of problems
to be solved,
otherwise
our lives
can easily turn into something
akin
to a hamster wheel.
What you want
may not be
what you want,
the moment others,
whose validation you crave,
don’t want it,
too.
To better understand
what you want,
it can be useful
to find what you like
that others,
whose validation you crave,
don’t want.
What if
we’re too busy
helping
…
to realize
that we
need help?
What if
we’re too busy
wanting
…
to realize
that we already
have it?
What if
we’re too busy
persuading
…
to realize
that we need only
ask for it.
“I don’t know how
to persuade him” said the founder.
“What
do you want to have happen?”
I asked.
“I want to persuade him.”
she responded.
“No.
What do you want to have happen
by persuading him?”
I asked again.
“…”
“I want you
to move your focus away from the how
to what it is you really want.” I remarked,
breaking the silence.
“What do you want?”
I asked again.
“I want…
…
I want to feel supported.” she answered,
after much thought.
“When’s the last time
you felt supported by him?”
I asked.
“I’ve never felt supported by him.”
she answered.
“Then what makes you so sure
that persuading him
is the way to feel supported?”
I asked.
It’s ok to give up.
What may be more important
is getting to the heart of what we want.
Not the thing we say or think we want,
but the thing for which our heart yearns,
floating right on the threshold
of our conscious and sub-conscious.
Once we become aware of what this is,
we tend to realize that there are many ways to attain this.
In that moment, “giving up” becomes
but a matter of giving up one of many methods of attaining this.
If so,
“giving up” can eliminate the very thing getting in the way
of making progress:
our insistence on a particular method.
Thereby helping us make greater progress
toward attaining what we want
if even if it is merely temporary.
We play “designer,”
when we act to fulfill an emotional need.
Wish to fulfill your need for communication with those far away?
Play “designer” to design a mail system.
We play “judge,”
when we blame someone.
Wish to label someone at fault?
Play “judge” to peruse the evidence & make a decision.
We may play them well or poorly,
but once we become aware of these roles,
they are available for our choosing
from moment to moment,
even if they’re not on our business cards.
The question is “What role do we want to play?”
Whatever our answer,
it’ll profoundly affect our sense of identity.
The sense of who we are,
from where our thoughts & behaviors
will naturally flow,
at least temporarily.
Any time we have the urge to say “I disagree,”
It’s worth asking ourselves “What purpose am I hoping to fulfill?”
If the purpose of expressing disagreement is…