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Focus & Burden
What we focus on
is sometimes a result
of a burden
we’re carrying.
That focus can be released
when others release us
from the burden.
I was focused on making the website perfect to make sure I’m supporting connie to the best of my ability,
then she told me I don’t have to work on the website anymore because it was enough and it will never be perfect enough to answer all the questions that we cannot possibly anticipate getting, then I felt a relief from my shoulder, it was then an only then that I realized it was a burden I was carrying. The burden that I must make the website perfect or else I’m not doing my job or my responsibility that I’m not being enough.
Balancing vs Fixing
When we identify
a mistake,
it may be tempting
to permanently fix
so that we may never make the same
mistake.
Except,
if we do that
we also make it impossible
that the context in which
that previous “mistake”
ie beneficial
from happening.
An alternative
Is to balance
so that we never fix
but allow room
for both.
When we hit the limit
of our current maturaion
we will always confront
a paradox
And we may not even recognize the paradox
because we would have jumpted to judgment
to squash the discomfort
of paradox
The Cult of Gratitude
Gratitude
has somehow became
a panacea.
“Be grateful.”
some say.
“Be honest.”
I say in response.
If you don’t feel gratitude,
you don’t feel gratitude.
What you feel
is what you feel.
Irony
I lack empathy.
Sometimes.
We all lack empathy.
Sometimes.
Let those
who’s never lacked empathy,
judge others
for lacking empathy.
Let those
who’s never seen others lack empathy,
judge themselves
for lacking empathy.
Complaining
It’s ok
to complain.
In fact,
it can be healthy.
Except,
complain to someone
with skills.
The skills to summarize your complaint
far more succinctly
than you could
alone.
The skills to organize your complaint
far more clearly
than you could
alone.
The skills to guide your complaint
toward a resolution
you couldn’t reach
alone.
May we not waste our energy
with people who lack such skills
nor leave such people feeling hopeless
given their lack
of such skills.
Playing Your Game
Stop playing to grow.
That’s your investors’ game.
Stop playing to survive.
That’s playing not to lose.
Start playing to win.
And play your own game.
Lacking Empathy is Normal
100% of the CEOs
who bragged to me
about their exceptional empathy
were proven wrong
when I asked
their direct reports
and their family members.
Not because they lacked empathy
absolutely,
but because we all lack empathy
sometimes.
Except,
that sometime
may be a critical moment for some
enough for them to remember
that we were not there
when they needed us
to be there for them
the most.
Founder Mode
What “experts” or “professionals” may not get
about Paul Graham’s essay
is that it’s _primarily_ an act
of permission-giving.
The details of the essay
matters much less.
Many founders have felt pressured
by “experts” or “professionals” telling them
how to run their own companies.
It matters less
whether the advice came from VCs
with no experience running a company
or from Founders
with much experience running a company.
The fact of the matter is
what worked in context A
doesn’t always work
in context B.
That’s the limitation
of _advice-giving_
itself.
Paul’s essay
is making it ok for founders to say
“no thanks,”
to “expert” or “professional” advice.
To go at it
“my way,”
for better
or for worse.
That’s much needed permission
for the Founders who have felt pressured
to follow “expert” or “professional” advice.
To be clear,
this is also a reminder
that when something isn’t working
we can either take responsibility
for doing what we believe
is right
or abdicate responsibility
by doing what others believe
is right,
because we’re either
afraid of being wrong
or feel helpless
without a choice.
…
For the “experts” or “professionals,”
Paul’s essay is an invitation
to also learn how to help
without giving advice.
Without resorting to
telling people what to do,
but instead
working with them
to create something neither
could have created
alone.
Validation from One’s Self
“I don’t need validation from others.”
He said.
“I just need validation from myself.”
He continued.
“What would have to happen
for you to validate
yourself?”
She asked.
“I would have to hit 10M
in annual revenue.”
He answered.
“Who would give you that money?”
She asked.
“Nobody would give me that money.
I would earn it!”
He answered
valiantly.
“Earn
from whom?”
She asked.
“The customers.”
He answered
“So you need validation
from your customers?”
She asked.
“Yes.”
He answered.