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Willingness to Take Responsibility
“What if he doesn’t accept
my apology?” asked the CEO.
“His response
is his responsibility.
The question I’m asking
is what responsibility
are you willing to take?” I remarked.
“My responsibility?” he asked.
“Yes,
whether your apology
is accepted or not,
which is within his ability
to respond,
thus his response-ability
and his choice,
are you willing to choose apology
simply because
it is within your response-ability?” I replied.
“…
I am.” he replied.
“Why?” I probed.
“It’s funny.
I don’t know why,
but just thinking about it
makes me feel healed.” he reflected.
Goal vs Vision
Vision
is what you’re looking at
without needing
to reaching it.
Goal
is something
you reach.
You can turn your vision
into a goal,
but you can also focus
on a vision
without making it
a goal,
because focus
gives us direction
and that may be
enough.
Advice vs Validation
Sometimes
when we say
we got great advice,
what we really mean
is that our intuition
was validated
or that the advice resulted
in our feeling
accepted.
Two Stones
When stones enter the tumbler
what’s easy to observe is how smooth
they become
When used as metaphor for people
it may seem like this makes people different
What it actually does is it broadesn our understanding
of somethat
and we
The sharp edges of others no longer feel so sharp,
beucase we know what they mean not merely wahat they say
This isn’t to say that one should tolerate
it merely means beyond tolerance, respect is also valuable.
Being vs Having
Sometimes
we speak
as if we are
others.
“I am sad”
vs
“I am feeling sadness”
“I am a CEO”
vs
“I play the role of a CEO”
“I am fit”
vs
“I have a fit body”
Perhaps we speak this way
out of habit.
Perhaps we speak this way
when we hyper-empathize.
No matter the reason,
it’s worth creating
distinctions
and boundaries with them,
so we can empathize.
Validating Others
It can be hard
to validate others
when it seems as though
validating them
means
invalidating
ourselves.
It can be crucial
to ask yourself
whether it is true
that validating others
means
invalidating ourselves,
or
that we simply cannot see
the situation
in such a way
that validatings others
need not mean
invalidating
ourselves.
Care
When we striggle
it’s not necessary a sign that we lack competence
it’s sometimes because we care so much
that we expect more than what we can offer
Expectations
“I hate the fact
that the only way I can feel better
in my co-founder relationship
is to think of my co-founder
as an employee.”
said the founder.
“What do you mean?”
I asked.
“I have to lower my expectations.”
the founder answered.
“Lower how?”
I asked
“That he may not be able to support me
the way I want him
to support me.”
It’s OK
“I thought
that all my problems would be solved
…
once I raised enough
money.” he said.
…
“I thought
that all my problems would be solved
…
once I hired enough
experts.” he continued.
…
“I thought
that all my problems would be solved
…
once I achieved enough
annual revenue.” he let out a sigh.
“I have no more excuses.
All this time,
I have been lying to myself.”
he remarked.
“It’s OK.
We all lie to ourselves
from time
to time.
Need for Validation and Fear of Not receiving validation
There is a world of difference
between having a need for validation
and judging
that we are not worthy
of validation