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Method vs Outcome
When people seek advice,
they’re often seeking
a method.
And yet,
when we give advice,
we often offer
an outcome.
“Have courage.”
“Forgive him.”
“Adopt
a growth mindset.”
…
What if
what people give
as advice
is actually nothing more
than their judgment of
The Web
is full of advice
on what we need,
unnecessarily overwhelming us
with a sense of lack.
Emotions are not Mutually Exclusive
Many of us
do not feel supported.
Yet
we rationalize
that we should be grateful
for whatever we have.
If such rationalization
leads to self judgment,
shame,
and isolation.
May we realize
that gratitude
is not mutually exclusive
with not feeling supported.
The Chinese character for human
are two strokes
in support of one another.
Human beings need
and deserve support,
no matter their circumstance.
Not Growing
“My employees
are not growing!”
said the founder.
“not growing?
or not meeting your expectations?”
I asked.
Let us start from a place of honesty
instead of judgment
“My boss
is annoying”
said the employee
Is she an annoying person
or is your judgement of her
giving rise
to your annoyance?
Advice vs Validation
Sometimes
when we say
we got great advice,
what we really mean
is that our intuition
was validated
or that the advice resulted
in our feeling
accepted.
Compassionate Blindness
When others
resist
or reject
our compassionate
actions,
we may judge them
for being
insecure,
blinded by our own good intentions
without seeing how we contribute
to fueling their insecurity
Mistakes
I feel so stupid,
how come these people know so much more
than I do?
What if they learned those things
by making mistakes?
What do you mean?
What I’m seeing you do
is stall until you feel like you have everything figure out
The people you’re talking about
aren’t smarter than you,
they just went ahead and did things without waiting to figure everything out.
Hope vs Judgment
Assumptions
and expectations
can arise
from a place of hope
or judgment.
If we find ourselves
judging ourselves
for having judgments
we may also choose
or learn to choose
to clarify,
accept
and appreciate
the hope we have
No Need to Believe
Often times
we merely need
to suspend
disbelief.
And yet
we sometimes assume
we have to believe
what we cannot yet
believe,
which is much harder.
Difficult to Work
Some people
are difficult
to work with.
We say that
as if difficulty
is abnormal.
Would life be better
if life were easier?
Or is part of what makes life
better
is that it is
difficult?
When we admit
that easy
does not exist
in the absence
of difficulty,
we realize
Partnership
Partnering up
because it would be difficult
to do it
alone
is different from
partnering up
because I don’t think
I can do it
alone.
This isn’t to say
one is good
and the other
is bad.
It is to say
one has to be aware
that there is humility
in the first
and lack of self-confidence
in the other.