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Uniqueness of Pain
When we feel
isolated
in our pain,
we can think that our pain
is unique.
No.
We can think that our pain
must be
unique.
…
Because we may think that
it is the only way,
we
can matter.
…
But when we feel
connected
with an other’s pain,
we may realize that our pain
is not unique.
No.
We may realize that our pain
need not be
unique.
Because we can see
that the pain of those
with whom we feel connected
matters
to us,
which means
so does our own pain,
by virtue
of the connection
in our pain.
Behavior vs Experience
Empathizing
is an experience.
You can enact
all the “right” behaviors
associated with empathy
without ever actually
empathizing.
The computer software
“ELIZA,”
has shown this.
Yet,
to this day,
we still run workshops on empathy,
focused on behaviors
without much focus
on the experience,
teaching nothing more
than manipulation,
even if
unintentionally.
Proving to One’s Self
“I don’t want validation.
I just want to prove to myself
that I can do it.”
he said.
“How would you know
when you’ve proven it
to yourself?”
she asked.
“I’ll know it
when the customer
loves it.”
he replied.
“It sounds like
you need customer validation
to prove to yourself,
is that right?”
she asked.
Unshared Weight
“The weight
of responsibility
is so heavy.”
remarked the Founder.
“No.”
I responded.
“The weight
of unshared responsibility
is heavy.”
I continued.
“The weight
will be the same
no matter what.
The choice you have
is with whom
you’ll share it
and how.
The choice is yours
and yours
only.”
I remarked.
Not About Me
When someone does something
we dislike
we tend to become
self-absorbed.
They hurt
“me.”
They disrespected
“me.”
They don’t appreciate
“me.”
Me.
Me.
Me.
When we realize empathy,
we often see
that the behavior we considered
to be about
“me”
had less to do with
“me”
and more to do with
them
feeling unsupported.
The Personal Supporter Revolution
“Explain to me simply,
What it is
you want.”
he asked.
“I want people to have
not just personal computers,
but also personal supporters.”
I responded.
“I promise you,
just as we ask ourselves now
how did we live
without personal computers,
there will come a day,
when we will ask ourselves
how did we live
without personal supporters?”
I continued.
Getting Lost by Doing Well
When we work hard
we sometimes
lose
our way.
It’s nobody’s
fault.
When we work hard,
we tend to
focus.
When we focus,
we can
obsess.
When we obsess,
we can get
impatient.
When we get impatient,
we can become
myopic.
When we become myopic,
our priorities
can be decided for us
by our myopia,
instead
of our holistic
vision.
When our decisions
are made for us
by our myopia
instead
of our holistic
vision,
we can feel
lost.
It can be exceptionally hard
to be still
when this happens.
Especially so,
when we feel pressured
by external forces
and the fear of failure
looms large.
So we keep going
despite feeling
lost.
Isolation and Shame
When we feel
isolated,
we can also feel
lost.
We think
‘After all,
if I’m the only one
on this path,
who‘s to say
I’m not lost?’
…
When we feel
lost
traveling a path
of our own choice
we can also feel
ashamed.
We think
‘If I got lost
by going my way
then clearly
it’s my fault
and something
is wrong
with me.’
Interrupted Thought Process
“Am I stubborn?”
asked the founder.
“Your thought process
is constantly being
interrupted.”
I responded.
“What do you mean?”
he asked,
looking puzzled.
“For you
to change your mind,
you have to think things through,
right?”
I asked.
“Yes, of course.”
he answered.
“But if people around you
are only telling you
what they think,
your thought process
can constantly get
interrupted.”
I continued.
“Unless a space is created,
where you can think through things
without being interrupted
you will be unlikely
to change your mind.”
I remarked.
Seeing
When we realize empathy,
we come to see
what we previously
did not.
When we see
the unseen,
we come to know
what we previously
did not.
When we know
the unknown,
we come to comprehend
what we previously
did not.
When we comprehend
the incomprehensible,
we come to appreciate
what we previously
did not.
When we appreciate
the unappreciated,
we come to experience
life
in ways we previously
did not.