What if Irony is Judging Others for Lacking Empathy?
When using
a table saw,
there is the danger
of severing
our fingers.
What’s remarkable
is that so long as we have
a clear understanding of the danger
in using the table saw
many of us find it sufficient
to work up the courage
to engage with it
despite the danger,
instead of staying stuck
in the thought
of severing our fingers
which merely gives rise
to fear.
Trust
implies vulnerability.
Expectation
demands certainty.
To lose trust
because of our violated
expectations
is to forget what it means
to trust.
Or to realize
that from the start,
there was no trust,
just unmanaged
expectations.
When we judge ourselves
as selfish,
it is often nothing more
than a symptom
of our fear of being judged
by others
as selfish.
What if
the fear we feel
at the end of a cliff
is less the fear of falling
and more
that we will choose
to jump?
That the fear
comes less from the actual danger
and more
from the lack of faith in ourselves
to make the right
decision?
That we’ll be left
with nobody to blame
but ourselves?
If fear accompanies
the prediction
of a negative future event,
we fear
in so far as we believe
we’ll live past
the negative future
event.
Once we realize
that we may die
prior
to the negative future event
much can change.
When we work hard
we sometimes
lose
our way.
It’s nobody’s
fault.
When we work hard,
we tend to
focus.
When we focus,
we can
obsess.
When we obsess,
we can get
impatient.
When we get impatient,
we can become
myopic.
When we become myopic,
our priorities
can be decided for us
by our myopia,
instead
of our holistic
vision.
When our decisions
are made for us
by our myopia
instead
of our holistic
vision,
we can feel
lost.
It can be exceptionally hard
to be still
when this happens.
Especially so,
when we feel pressured
by external forces
and the fear of failure
looms large.
So we keep going
despite feeling
lost.
When people say
“I feel uncertain.”
The temptation
is to say something clever,
like
“There was never a time
that was certain.”
As true
as that may be,
that can shut down
a valuable opportunity
for innovation,
where we can support their reflection
on what negative outcome
feels certain.
In conversation,
a question worth asking
is whether we are attempting
to decrease
or increase
the number of choices
for others.
Depending on the answer,
we can often gauge
whether we are moving
in the direction of fear
or courage.
p.s: Thanks to Paul Pangaro for introducing me to the essay on Ethics and Second-Order Cybernetics that inspired this post.
“I have to repress it.”
said the CEO.
“Why?” I asked.
“I’m afraid
I’m going to crumble,
if I let myself experience it.”
she responded.
The ‘it’
being unpleasant emotions.
Most people
have difficulty processing
unpleasant emotions.
It’s no wonder
positive thinking life hacks
such as gratitude journaling
has taken off.
Except,
they merely mask the symptoms,
and blinds us
to the valuable information
encoded in the unpleasant emotions.
When I was researching art,
it was remarkable to witness
how actors-in-rehearsal
were supported
by their director and scene partners
in decoding the information
encoded in unpleasant emotions.
I also witnessed
over and over again,
how the information,
when decoded,
inspired the actors
to unleash their potential
for a brilliant performance
that lay dormant until then.
This
is the kind of teamwork we need
in business.
People
who provoke our disgust,
may also be those
from whom we can learn
our limiting beliefs.
Anytime
we encounter someone
who disgusts us,
may we ask
what we’re telling ourselves
they shouldn’t be doing.
Not to judge their behavior
as wrong or bad,
but to discover
if we believe we
shouldn’t be doing them,
either.
And if so,
may we get clarity
on the fear or concern
underlying this belief.
Because
the moment we discover
that there are times
and ways
in which the risk
underlying our fear or concern
is either manageable
or worth the cost,
is also the moment
we will realize empathy
and learn a new choice.
A new choice
that could lead
to innovation.