What if Irony is Judging Others for Lacking Empathy?
The decision
can only be made
by the decision
maker.
No matter how much we dislike
the decision made,
the responsibility of decision making
lies solely
with the decision
maker.
In much the same way,
the decision we make
in response to other’s decisions
is our responsibility.
Sometimes
telling someone to calm down
is like telling someone who has to pee
to hold it in.
Other times
telling someone to calm down
is like telling someone who is already peeing
to hold it in.
Other people’s perspectives
are not ours
to take.
The perspectives
we can take from others
are none other
than our own.
May we not confuse
our own perspectives
with that
of others.
Even if the perspective
is shared.
When doing something
big.
To think that
we
can carry the weight
alone
is a misunderstanding.
To think that
anyone
can or will carry the weight
with us
is also a misunderstanding.
It may be that
finding people
who can and will carry the weight
with us
and learning to share that weight
with them
is a major part of the work
itself.
When someone judges us
a “difficult
case,”
it can be easy
to blame ourselves
for being
a “difficult,
case.”
While this may mean
there is something extraordinary
about us,
it also means
that someone with greater skills
will not not judge us
a “difficult
case.”
p.s: This was inspired by a meeting with a doctor who called my wife a “difficult case,” while asking her to work with another doctor with more experience and skill. An unfortunately common case of compassion without empathy, displayed by many of us, including yours truly, when we take on the role of caregiving.
Sometimes
arrogance can arise
in the presence
of another person
whom
we distrust.
When someone
is striving toward a goal,
dissuading them from the goal
can be the very definition
of being
unsupportive.
We can rationalize why
we are right
to dissuade them.
We may even argue
that it’s for their own
good.
What doesn‘t change—
until their goal changes—
is that we are perceived
as unsupportive
to them,
and thus perceived
to not be
on the same
team.
Trust
implies vulnerability.
Expectation
demands certainty.
To lose trust
because of our violated
expectations
is to forget what it means
to trust.
Or to realize
that from the start,
there was no trust,
just unmanaged
expectations.
Giving autonomy
to someone who lacks support
can be quite similar
to abandoning them.
We feel compassion
when we feel concern
for another person’s suffering
and desire
to enhance their welfare.
While sounding
virtuous,
compassion becomes
dangerous
when we have difficulty
realizing empathy
with the
concerns
and desires
of our own
or others,
leaving us unable
or unwilling
to manage our impulses
to hastily act,
in the name of “help,”
often feeling surprised
even resentful
of the other person’s response,
as we judge them
ungrateful,
resistant,
or stupid.