I wouldn’t have

“if I were them,
I wouldn’t have done that”

The focus
lies on the behavior.

Behaviors
are mere symptoms
of our intention to
fulfill our needs
or to realize our values
as directed.

The question is whether we would behave differently
had we the same intentions, needs, and values.

Weight

When doing something
big.

To think that
we
can carry the weight
alone
is a misunderstanding.

To think that
anyone
can or will carry the weight
with us
is also a misunderstanding.

It may be that
finding people
who can and will carry the weight
with us
and learning to share that weight
with them
is a major part of the work
itself.

A Difficult Case

When someone judges us
a “difficult
case,”
it can be easy
to blame ourselves
for being
a “difficult,
case.”

While this may mean
there is something extraordinary
about us,
it also means
that someone with greater skills
will not not judge us
a “difficult
case.”

p.s: This was inspired by a meeting with a doctor who called my wife a “difficult case,” while asking her to work with another doctor with more experience and skill. An unfortunately common case of compassion without empathy, displayed by many of us, including yours truly, when we take on the role of caregiving.

Same Team

When someone
is striving toward a goal,
dissuading them from the goal
can be the very definition
of being
unsupportive.

We can rationalize why
we are right
to dissuade them.

We may even argue
that it’s for their own
good.

What doesn‘t change—
until their goal changes—
is that we are perceived
as unsupportive
to them,
and thus perceived
to not be
on the same
team.