I wouldn’t have

“if I were them,
I wouldn’t have done that”

The focus
lies on the behavior.

are mere symptoms
of our intention to
fulfill our needs
or to realize our values
as directed.

The question is whether we would behave differently
had we the same intentions, needs, and values.


When doing something

To think that
can carry the weight
is a misunderstanding.

To think that
can or will carry the weight
with us
is also a misunderstanding.

It may be that
finding people
who can and will carry the weight
with us
and learning to share that weight
with them
is a major part of the work

A Difficult Case

When someone judges us
a “difficult
it can be easy
to blame ourselves
for being
a “difficult,

While this may mean
there is something extraordinary
about us,
it also means
that someone with greater skills
will not not judge us
a “difficult

p.s: This was inspired by a meeting with a doctor who called my wife a “difficult case,” while asking her to work with another doctor with more experience and skill. An unfortunately common case of compassion without empathy, displayed by many of us, including yours truly, when we take on the role of caregiving.

Same Team

When someone
is striving toward a goal,
dissuading them from the goal
can be the very definition
of being

We can rationalize why
we are right
to dissuade them.

We may even argue
that it’s for their own

What doesn‘t change—
until their goal changes—
is that we are perceived
as unsupportive
to them,
and thus perceived
to not be
on the same