A Difficult Case

When someone judges us
a “difficult
case,”
it can be easy
to blame ourselves
for being
a “difficult,
case.”

While this may mean
there is something extraordinary
about us,
it also means
that someone with greater skills
will not not judge us
a “difficult
case.”

p.s: This was inspired by a meeting with a doctor who called my wife a “difficult case,” while asking her to work with another doctor with more experience and skill. An unfortunately common case of compassion without empathy, displayed by many of us, including yours truly, when we take on the role of caregiving.

Better Be…

When we hyper-empathize
with someone
or something,

Our self-worth
becomes contingent upon
that someone
or something,

Our self-image
depends on the perception of
that someone
or something.

It can be hard
not to hyper-empathize
with someone
or something.

That someone
or something
better be really important.


Intuition as Guide

It can be useful
to think of intuition
as a guide.

A guide does not claim
to have the right
answer.

A guide merely claims
to know something
worthy
of paying
attention.

We may choose
to ignore the guide.

We may also choose
to follow the guide
and learn what the guide
knows.

But may we not
blame the guide
for our decisions.

The guide never claimed
to have the right
answer.

Process vs Outcome

When we give advice,
we often offer
an outcome.

“Have courage.”
“Forgive.”
“Be patient.”

All outcomes
that arise
from a process.

Instead of giving advice,
what if we were to ask
questions?


“What would you need
right now
to feel
courage?”

“What is it
that makes it difficult
for you
to forgive?”

“What pain arises
when you seek to practice
patience?”

Questions
that guide people
through
the process.

Same Team

When someone
is striving toward a goal,
dissuading them from the goal
can be the very definition
of being
unsupportive.

We can rationalize why
we are right
to dissuade them.

We may even argue
that it’s for their own
good.

What doesn‘t change—
until their goal changes—
is that we are perceived
as unsupportive
to them,
and thus perceived
to not be
on the same
team.