What if Irony is Judging Others for Lacking Empathy?
Sometimes
we think the reason why
we feel anxiety
is because of the burden we feel
to keep our promise
to our investors.
But upon realizing empathy,
with ourselves
or our investors,
we may realize
that it may actually be
because we judge ourselves
as less capable
of carrying the burden
than others.
For our behaviors to change,
our emotions
may have to change
first.
For our emotions to change,
our thoughts
may have to change
first.
For our thoughts to change
our focus
may have to change
first.
For our focus to change
our perspective
may have to change
first.
Other people’s perspectives
are not ours
to take.
The perspectives
we can take from others
are none other
than our own.
May we not confuse
our own perspectives
with that
of others.
Even if the perspective
is shared.
When doing something
big.
To think that
we
can carry the weight
alone
is a misunderstanding.
To think that
anyone
can or will carry the weight
with us
is also a misunderstanding.
It may be that
finding people
who can and will carry the weight
with us
and learning to share that weight
with them
is a major part of the work
itself.
I don’t know
when “passion”
started to refer
to what we like.
Passion
used to refer to
something that must be
endured.
Something
for which we are willing
to suffer
greatly.
In the preface of my book,
I talked about the layman’s struggle
to understand
software.
10 years since then,
I find myself—
a formally trained computer scientist—
struggling
to understand
software.
Not because I don’t understand
how the software
works,
but because despite knowing
how the software
works,
what it does
is still
bewildering.
Often times
what we are doing
is nothing more
than exploring.
At the heart
of an exploration
is the fact
that we don’t know.
We may try to make it seem
like it is more
than a mere exploration,
by saying we have
a question
a vision,
or a hypothesis.
But deep down,
we know
we are simply
exploring.
When using
a table saw,
there is the danger
of severing
our fingers.
What’s remarkable
is that so long as we have
a clear understanding of the danger
in using the table saw
many of us find it sufficient
to work up the courage
to engage with it
despite the danger,
instead of staying stuck
in the thought
of severing our fingers
which merely gives rise
to fear.
When someone judges us
a “difficult
case,”
it can be easy
to blame ourselves
for being
a “difficult,
case.”
While this may mean
there is something extraordinary
about us,
it also means
that someone with greater skills
will not not judge us
a “difficult
case.”
p.s: This was inspired by a meeting with a doctor who called my wife a “difficult case,” while asking her to work with another doctor with more experience and skill. An unfortunately common case of compassion without empathy, displayed by many of us, including yours truly, when we take on the role of caregiving.
Sometimes
arrogance can arise
in the presence
of another person
whom
we distrust.