The fear
that we might regret
isn’t it
it’s more
that living life
with constant
doubt
is not healthy
be honest about the doubt
and either find ways to remove that doubt
even if there is no guarantee
Author: Seung Chan Lim
Smile
“I overreacted today.”
said the CEO.
I waited.
“They think
I’m a bad leader.” he continued.
I waited.
“They think
I’m toxic.” he continued.
“I don’t know
why I cannot control this.”
he lamented.
“How could others support you
so that you won’t overreact?”
I asked
finally.
“I don’t know.”
he replied.
“What do you not
want?”
I asked again.
“I want them
to stop saying why my ideas
are bad.”
he said.
“Do you want them
to say your ideas
are good?”
I asked.
“No,
of course not.”
he said.
“What do you want?”
I asked again.
“I…
I just want them
to listen.”
he said,
finally.
Survival, Byproduct, and Focus
What we do for our survival
isn’t selfish
it’s natural
and normal.
Others might not like it
but it doesn’t make it
selfish
When we help,
we don’t realize we’re focused
on our own pain and discomfort
but it is when and only when
we can relieve ourselves of tension
and be present enough with our pain and discomfort
to have room in our being
to be with another person’s pain and discomfort
that we can serve
and the byproduct of that is we feel fulfilled
but our fulfillment is not the focus
Having vs Being
We have
a past,
but we are not
our past.
We have
a future,
but we are not
our future.
We are
who we are
This
may sound obvious.
Yet,
I invite you to monitor
what you say
and count the times
you ignore the obvious
and how that impacts the quality
of your life,
the quality
of your decision making,
and the quality
of your relationships.
Expectations
I hate the fact
that the only way
I can feel better
in my co-founder relationship
is to think of my co-founder
as an employee.
What do you mean?
I asked.
I have to lower my expectations.
he answered.
Lower how?
I asked
That he may not be able to support me
the way I want him
to support me.
Imagination
Some say
realizing empathy
requires
imagination
Sure.
But perhaps more importantly,
realizing empathy
develops
our imagination.
Managing “Up”
Lack of experience
can allude us to think
that there is such a thing
as managing “up.”
Just as we eventually learn
that our parents
need our support
just as we need theirs,
what we misunderstand as “up”
What we eventually learn
is that “up” is an illusion.
Once we realize
that parents manage us
primarily because of the conern
they feel
we can proactively manage them
by alleviating their concern
Disagreements
When disagreeing
it may be important to recognize
that we need not take responsibility
for someone else’s choice.
If the disagreement is because we feel like well have to take responsibility
for someone elses choice,
then make that clear,
I choose to support you on your decision
provided you make clear that you will take responsibility
for the consequences.
Lonely not Isolated
When we see art
we see our loneliness depicted in the art
and in that moment
we realize that we’re not alone
in our loneliness
and somehow we can feel a surge of strength supported
At the end of the day
we are all alone at some level
Unless we hold hands with another person
and die exactly at the same time with them
we will die
alone.
Unless we vow to only make decisions
unless someone else approves of our decisions
we will make decisions
alone.
The question is
are we isolated
in our loneliness
or are we
connected
through our loneliness
or supported in our loneliness
Hope vs Judgment
Assumptions
and expectations
can arise
from a place of hope
or judgment.
If we find ourselves
judging ourselves
for having judgments
we may also choose
or learn to choose
to clarify,
accept
and appreciate
the hope we have