What if Irony is Judging Others for Lacking Empathy?
May we ask
whether we desire
being
and creating with someone
or giving to
and receiving from them.
The more we want to give to,
or receive from someone,
the harder it can become
to be
or to create with them.
Being
or creating with someone
requires being present,
without expectation,
suspending our need
to fulfill a need,
and instead
letting emergence guide us
through uncertainty.
Imagine
a tight rope
walker.
Without
a net on the ground
for the future,
it can be difficult for her
to feel
safe.
Without
a supportive rope
in the present,
it can be difficult for her
to feel
stable.
Without
sufficient preparation
prior,
it can be difficult for her
to feel
secure.
When we feel
hesitant
or vulnerable,
it may be useful
to ask ourselves
which of the 3
is missing,
“I want to kill him,”
she said,
her heads down,
referring to her co-founder.
“Tell me how you’d do it.”
I asked,
“What?”
she looked up
puzzled.
“I want to hear your plan.”
I responded.
“Ha ha ha!”
she laughed out loud.
I smiled,
noticing her shoulders relax
and tension release.
We tend to associate
progress
with forward movement.
But sometimes
stopping
and not moving at all
can be progress,
if that’s what’s required
for us gain the clarity required
to move
not merely forward,
but in the direction
we desire.
We are born
to need
the support of others.
This is more obvious,
when we’re near birth
or near death.
In between,
we may pretend
we don’t need
support
or we may think
we’re weak
if we do.
Sometimes
we run workshops on empathy,
focused on behaviors
without much focus
on the experience
of empathizing,
inadvertently teaching
manipulation.
As the computer software
“ELIZA,”
has shown,
you can enact
all the “right” behaviors
associated with empathy
without ever actually
empathizing.
When we work hard
we sometimes
lose
our way.
It’s nobody’s
fault.
When we work hard,
we tend to
focus.
When we focus,
we can
obsess.
When we obsess,
we can get
impatient.
When we get impatient,
we can become
myopic.
When we become myopic,
our priorities
can be decided for us
by our myopia,
instead
of our holistic
vision.
When our decisions
are made for us
by our myopia
instead
of our holistic
vision,
we can feel
lost.
It can be exceptionally hard
to be still
when this happens.
Especially so,
when we feel pressured
by external forces
and the fear of failure
looms large.
So we keep going
despite feeling
lost.
When we realize empathy,
we come to see
what we previously
did not.
When we see
the unseen,
we come to know
what we previously
did not.
When we know
the unknown,
we come to comprehend
what we previously
did not.
When we comprehend
the incomprehensible,
we come to appreciate
what we previously
did not.
When we appreciate
the unappreciated,
we come to experience
life
in ways we previously
did not.
Writing down
our mind
and sharing it
with others
can make it much easier
for them to read
our mind.
What if
we’re too busy
helping
…
to realize
that we
need help?
What if
we’re too busy
wanting
…
to realize
that we already
have it?
What if
we’re too busy
persuading
…
to realize
that we need only
ask for it.
