We think fear
is spiders,
ghosts,
or heights.
Fear
is also
the tiny voice we hear
that says
“but that’s unprofessional,”
“I shouldn’t cry,”
or “that’s not right.”
What if Irony is Judging Others for Lacking Empathy?
We think fear
is spiders,
ghosts,
or heights.
Fear
is also
the tiny voice we hear
that says
“but that’s unprofessional,”
“I shouldn’t cry,”
or “that’s not right.”
Easy
may not be a choice
that can be learned.
But you can be
at ease.
“I want answers!”
he shouted,
in frustration.
“…”
“Did you hear me???”
he lowered his voice.
“I
want
answers!”
he shouted again.
“I have no answers.”
a response came back.
He stared at me,
breathing heavily.
“All I can do
is help you discover
what it is
you’re willing to take
responsibility for.”
There are times
when the distinction between us
and others,
seem to explain why
we are unworthy
of respect.
There are also times
when the distinction
between us
and others,
seem to explain why
we are worthy
of respect.
In the former,
the distinction creates isolation,
while in the latter
“What did depression
feel like?”
the counselor asked me.
“It felt…
meaningless.” I responded.
Confronted
with a table saw
whirring its blade,
what one may realize
is that to navigate
uncertainty
need not require
certainty
but may be
clarity.
uncertainty -> stall -> hesitation – > stuck -> imobile
There is no certainty
that we may not get injured
by the table saw,
and yet we proceed
so long as we can see
clearly.
We sometimes say
“if I were them,
I wouldn’t have done that.”
The question is not merely
whether we would have behaved
differently.
The question is
had we the same
emotions,
intentions,
needs,
and values
whether we would have behaved
differently.
When we hyper-empathize
with someone
or something,
Our self-worth
becomes contingent upon
that someone
or something,
Our self-image
depends on the perception of
that someone
or something.
It can be hard
not to hyper-empathize
with someone
or something.
That someone
or something
better be really important.
When we give advice,
we often offer
an outcome.
“Have courage.”
“Forgive.”
“Be patient.”
…
All outcomes
that arise
from a process.
…
Instead of giving advice,
what if we were to ask
questions?
“What would you need
right now
to feel
courage?”
“What is it
that makes it difficult
for you
to forgive?”
“What pain arises
when you seek to practice
patience?”
Questions
that guide people
through
the process.
Think of the “self”
as possibilities.
What will arise in the moment
as “self”
may be contingent upon
numerous variables
not the least of which
is our judgment
of what is right
vs
wrong.