Need vs Form

If we do
or say things
to fulfill a need,
then we form our objects,
organizations,
and rituals
to fulfill that need.

Yet,
the words,
the behaviors,
and the forms of our objects
and organizations
can mislead us,
if we fail to comprehend
and appreciate
the underlying needs
that shaped it.

Tis
how easily
dogma
is born.

Method vs Context

Sometimes,
we think our method of communication
sucks.

Maybe.

But before the method
there is
relationship.

It is in the relationship,
where emotions
such as trust
reside.

If the relationship is sound,
the method can matter
less.

If the relationship is unsound
the method

I wouldn’t have

We sometimes say
“if I were them,
I wouldn’t have done that.”

The question is not merely
whether we would have behaved
differently.

The question is
had we the same
emotions,
intentions,
needs,
and values
whether we would have behaved
differently.

Better Be…

When we hyper-empathize
with someone
or something,

Our self-worth
becomes contingent upon
that someone
or something,

Our self-image
depends on the perception of
that someone
or something.

It can be hard
not to hyper-empathize
with someone
or something.

That someone
or something
better be really important.


Process vs Outcome

When we give advice,
we often offer
an outcome.

“Have courage.”
“Forgive.”
“Be patient.”

All outcomes
that arise
from a process.

Instead of giving advice,
what if we were to ask
questions?


“What would you need
right now
to feel
courage?”

“What is it
that makes it difficult
for you
to forgive?”

“What pain arises
when you seek to practice
patience?”

Questions
that guide people
through
the process.

Self

Think of the “self”
as possibilities.

What will arise in the moment
as “self”
may be contingent upon
numerous variables
not the least of which
is our judgment
of what is right
vs
wrong.

Vengefulness

Vengefulness
can be
a request.

One saying,
“I want you
to empathize.”

“I want you
to empathize
with what it was like
for me to go through
what I went through.”

“I want my experience
to be appreciated,
respected,
and deemed worthy
of attention.”

“I want my experience
to matter.”

Lacking Empathy

“Maybe
I lack empathy.”
remarked the founder.

“Says who?”
I asked.

“My wife.”
he responded.

“When
did she say this?”
I asked.

“Last night.”
he responded.

“Right before she judged you
as lacking empathy,
was she criticizing
something
or someone you deeply
care about?”
I asked.

“Yes,
my mother.
She was criticizing
my mother.
How did you know?”
he remarked.

“I want you to know
that when someone
or something
with which you hyper-empathize
is being attacked
it can be very difficult
for you to empathize
with the attacker.”
I explained.

“That
is a normal
and natural phenomenon.”
I continued.