“What do you want
to hear from him?”
What I really want to hear
is that they won’t leave me.
What I really want to hear
is that I’ll never be
alone.
Quotes
Beyond Responsibility
“I want to achieve
peace in my family.”
“I want my team members
to be happy.”
“I want …”
While these can be goals,
aspirations,
or expectations,
they cannot be
our responsibility.
Not because we don’t care
or because we have no influence,
but because
responsibility
does not equal
outcome.
What is within our responsibility
is to do our best.
Sometimes our best
does not yield
an outcome
we find satisfying.
Our responsibility lies
is what response we choose
in relation to the outcome
we do not find satisfying.
3 Layers
Our consciousness
can have trouble empathizing
with our thoughts, emotions, or behaviors.
Our consciousness
can have trouble empathizing
with the thoughts, emotions, or behaviors
of others,
be it animate or inanimate.
Our consciousness
can have trouble empathizing
with the thoughts, emotions, or behaviors
of our larger system,
be it our family,
society,
nation,
or ecosystem.
Aligning Intention with Impact
May we
start
with the intention
to help
others.
But before helping,
may we put down
some of the weight we’re carrying
—even if temporarily—
especially the one,
where we feel responsible
for the other’s
happiness,
to affords us the ability
to share
the other person’s weight
by supporting them
instead of taking their weight
away
from them.
After helping,
appreciate their gratitude
instead of ignoring
or trivializing them.
Conform or Rebel
When people judge us
as “empathic,”
as “nice,”
as “smart,”
etc.
We tend to conform
or rebel.
Conform
as in believing that we are.
Rebel
as in “No, I’m not.”
May we learn the choice
to simply understand
and appreciate.
Need vs Form
If we do
or say things
to fulfill a need,
then we form our objects,
organizations,
and rituals
to fulfill that need.
Yet,
the words,
the behaviors,
and the forms of our objects
and organizations
can mislead us,
if we fail to comprehend
and appreciate
the underlying needs
that shaped it.
Tis
how easily
dogma
is born.
Method vs Context
Sometimes,
we think our method of communication
sucks.
Maybe.
But before the method
there is
relationship.
It is in the relationship,
where emotions
such as trust
reside.
If the relationship is sound,
the method can matter
less.
If the relationship is unsound
the method
The Cycle
I want you
to be happy.
I want you
to be happy.
Don’t you know
that I do?
Why don’t you know
that I do?
What must I do
so you’ll know?
Why must you
continue
to hurt me?
Easy vs Ease
Easy
may not be a choice
that can be learned.
But you can be
at ease.
I wouldn’t have
We sometimes say
“if I were them,
I wouldn’t have done that.”
The question is not merely
whether we would have behaved
differently.
The question is
had we the same
emotions,
intentions,
needs,
and values
whether we would have behaved
differently.