Tag: Teamwork

Asking for Help

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

Those of us who value contribution habitually ask
“How can I help?”

Sometimes, this masks the tiny voice inside us saying
“I need help.”

Asking for help can be difficult.
Especially when we tend to play the role of “helper.”

When we empathize, we enter a space of inter-being,
a being other than “self” or “other.”

A space, where, instead of separating roles like
“helper” vs. “helpee,”
help flows
both ways.

A space where we need not try so hard to help,
and yet, the other feels helped,
and so do we.

It’s not always easy to enter this space, though.
That is until we meet someone willing to realize their empathy
with us.

A chance we may only have
if we’re willing
to ask for help.​

Strong Together

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 3

We say we want to be strong.

And by strong, we usually mean strong alone.

We can also be strong together.
And by being strong together,
I don’t mean helping others become strong alone.
Nor do I mean getting help so we can become strong alone.
I mean being strong by virtue of being together.

To be strong together is to be dependent, even for a moment.
Dependent is a dirty word with which nobody wants to be associated .
Yet, there are things we must depend on others to achieve.
Survival is one such thing.

Few things are more rewarding than knowing that we are needed.
Few things are more deadly than thinking we are not.

How Role Perception Blocks Our Appreciation

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

Perceiving people merely in their roles makes it easy for us to take them for granted in that moment.

You’re my mother, of course you cook for me.
You’re my child, of course you obey my orders.
You’re my employer, of course you pay me.
You’re my employee, of course you work hard for me.
You’re a doctor, of course you cure my ill.
You’re my patient, of course you do what I tell you.

The more we strip away the roles and see eye-to-eye, as human beings, the easier it is to appreciate each other.
The less appreciated we feel, the more resentment we let build in our relationship.
The more resentment we let build in our relationship, the more difficult it is to perceive beyond the roles.

Thus forms a vicious cycle.

Give vs Lend

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 1

We say we have
given.

Be it our care,
time,
or money, …

Yet, sometimes
we tightly hold on
to the memory
of having given.

If we’re not merely
remembering,
but holding on
to the memory
of having given,
then perhaps we have lent,
not given.

False Dilemma

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

A trap we often fall into is “either/or” thinking.

Someone professes their pain, we think they mean our pain is less. Not necessarily.
Someone says their achievement is great, we think they mean our achievement is less. Not necessarily.
Someone says something they have is worth much, we think they mean something we have is worth less. Not necessarily.

As the saying goes, it’s easy to judge others by their behaviors while judging ourselves by our intentions.
It can be difficult to realize our empathy so as to understand what others intend to mean over what we think they mean.

Yet, this can save us a ton of time and energy in the end.

Do People Change?

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

We often say “People don’t change.”

What we mean is people don’t change the way we want them to change.

People change the way they are motivated to change.

One of the quickest ways to feel frustrated is to coerce other people to change based on our own value system.

One of the most effective ways of sustaining that frustration is to rationalize why our own value system should be universal.

Gift of Permission

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 1

I once told my mother, “You’ve lived a life of sacrifice. It’s time you lived for yourself.” She tells me this was a gift: a gift of permission.

As leaders, we often feel pressured to do things for others. It’s our way of being good, caring leaders.
We may also feel that unless we fulfill others’ expectations, we’re not good or good enough.

But what if these pressures and expectations are self-imposed?

Self-imposed notions of “good” or “caring” may be unappreciated—even resented—by others. Thus, “live for yourself” is an invitation, not to be selfish, but to be relieved of the pressure to satisfy false or unrealistic expectations. It is to make room in our relationship for realizing empathy.

For What Do We Want to be Appreciated?

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

Each day,
write down one thing
your co-founder (or spouse) did—
that day or long ago—
you genuinely appreciated.
(Especially,
if it’s embarrassing to admit.)

On Christmas day,

  1. Agree to not negate
    or trivialize anything spoken.
  2. Share the list.
  3. Let them ask
    “How significant is this one
    and why?”

Human beings
have a need
to feel appreciated
for what they
want to feel appreciated
in the way they
want to be appreciated.

And yet,
too many times,
we appreciate them
for what we
appreciate about them
in the way we
like to show appreciation.

This can leave
our co-founders,
employees, or spouse
feeling unfulfilled,
resentful,
or betrayed
in their relationship
with us.

So end by asking,
“What one thing
do you wish I’d appreciate
about what you do
and how
do you want me
to show it?”