Every time
we fail to say “No,”
to something
or someone
that crosses our boundaries,
we may unintentionally
fuel
the perpetuation of
a vicious
cycle.
Author: Seung Chan Lim
When a Plan Comes Together
Plans
rarely go
as planned.
In fact,
they often fall
apart.
Perhaps this
is why Hannibal often said
“I love it,
when a plan
comes
together.”
As if to denote
that a plan
has to fall apart
first
before it can come together
to create
a new plan
that actually goes
as planned.
p.s: Much gratitude goes out to Pinky Parsons for inspiring this post.
Lost
We are only
“lost”
in relation to
where we want
to go.
If we don’t know
where we want
to go,
we may instead be
faced with an opportunity
for exploration
and play.
Unless,
of course,
we think we know
where we want
to go,
because we conflate
where we want
to go
with where we think
we should want
to go.
In which case,
we may still feel
“lost.”
Vengefulness
Vengefulness
can be
a request.
One saying,
“I want you
to empathize.”
“I want you
to empathize
with what it was like
for me to go through
what I went through.”
“I want my experience
to be appreciated,
respected,
and deemed worthy
of attention.”
“I want my experience
to matter.”
Lacking Empathy
“Maybe
I lack empathy.”
remarked the founder.
“Says who?”
I asked.
“My wife.”
he responded.
“When
did she say this?”
I asked.
“Last night.”
he responded.
“Right before she judged you
as lacking empathy,
was she criticizing
something
or someone you deeply
care about?”
I asked.
“Yes,
my mother.
She was criticizing
my mother.
How did you know?”
he remarked.
“I want you to know
that when someone
or something
with which you hyper-empathize
is being attacked
it can be very difficult
for you to empathize
with the attacker.”
I explained.
“That
is a normal
and natural phenomenon.”
I continued.
Respecting vs Expecting
To expect
is to passively await
in our assumed knowledge
of the future.
To respect
is to actively look
at the unappreciated wonders
of the present.
For each thing
we expect,
that inspires within us
anger-related emotions
like frustration
if we respect instead,
what can arise
is power
and confidence.
The kind
that comes from discovering
choices
we did not know
we had.
Responsibility vs Blame
Responsibility
is response + ability.
It is our ability
to respond.
It points to our potential
for autonomous action.
It is distinct
from blaming ourselves
or anyone else
for being
at fault.
Unless you believe
your greatest potential for action
lies in blaming
yourself
or others.
p.s: Much gratitude to Margaret Rose for the email exchange that inspired me to write this post.
Beyond Judgment
Autonomy without Support
Giving autonomy
to someone who lacks support
can be quite similar
to abandoning them.
Challenge of Compassion
We feel compassion
when we feel concern
for another person’s suffering
and desire
to enhance their welfare.
While sounding
virtuous,
compassion becomes
dangerous
when we have difficulty
realizing empathy
with the
concerns
and desires
of our own
or others,
leaving us unable
or unwilling
to manage our impulses
to hastily act,
in the name of “help,”
often feeling surprised
even resentful
of the other person’s response,
as we judge them
ungrateful,
resistant,
or stupid.