I want to learn the best practice
he said
Do you?
I asked
Author: Seung Chan Lim
Validating Others
It can be hard
to validate others
when it seems as though
validating them
means
invalidating
ourselves.
It can be crucial
to ask yourself
whether it is true
that validating others
means
invalidating ourselves,
or
that we simply cannot see
the situation
in such a way
that validatings others
need not mean
invalidating
ourselves.
Care
When we striggle
it’s not necessary a sign that we lack competence
it’s sometimes because we care so much
that we expect more than what we can offer
The Chain of Change
When we realize empathy
what we see
changes.
When what we see
changes
what we focus on
can also change.
When what we focus on
changes
what we value
can also change.
When what we value
changes
what we decide
can also change.
When what we decide
changes
what we do
can also change.
What is Empathy
Empathy
is a word
that explains why
we can feel
as if we’re connected
across boundaries
and distance.
Connecting across boundaries
is neither absolutely good
nor absolutely bad.
What it is
is a curious,
sometimes surprising,
phenomena.
What meaning
and value
is created
or discovered
and by whom
will determine
whether it is good
or bad.
Two Sets of Questions
- Why do I lack so much motivation and willpower?
- How can I not feel pain and discomfort?
- What more can I do?
- How can I more effectively communicate my pain to others?
Which leaves the tension unreleased, does nothing to the weight carried
Creates even more tension, adds even more weight
Which will probably create more tension.
Which creates more weight, thus more tension, maybe even trigger our injury
How can I (re)design my thinking process and interactions with people in or around my business, such that I can regularly…
- Restore my energy and vitality.
- Release my tensions.
- Share, offload, or temporarily stash some of the weight I’m carrying.
- Recover from and prevent injuries, or at least minimize the chance of triggering them.
First When and Where
“Something important happened!”
she said.
“Can I get back to you?
I’m in the middle of something.”
I answered.
“Oh, yeah.
It can wait.”
she answered.
…
“Something important happened!”
she said.
“Can I get back to you?
I’m in the middle of something.”
I answered.
“No, it’s urgent!”
she answered.
“Oh, ok.
Can you hold just a minute
I’ll excuse myself
and go to another room.”
I answered.
…
Validation
At first,
I thought I had to do something huge
for my life
to be worth something.
Until I realized
that doing something huge
would still not be enough
unless I could feel
that it was indeed
worth it.
In other words,
what I was after
was a feeling.
…
Once I realized
that validation
was what I was after,
I noticed I lacked clarity
on whose validation I craved
and why.
…
Once I gained clarity
on whose validation I craved
and why,
it turned out
there were only a handful of people
whose validation
I deeply craved.
So I went to them
one by one
to learn how I can provide them
value,
only to learn
how remarkably simple—
not easy, but simple—
it was
to do so.
It was then
that I realized
that at the end of the day,
the most difficult challenge
wasn’t
earning their validation.
The most difficult challenge
was accepting
that my life can have significant worth
without doing something
huge.
What I Meant to Say
I yelled at you
for not getting the work done
on time.
What I meant to say
was that Im afraid
to
I
What I meant to say
was that
I
What I meant to say
was that
Exploring vs Producing
When an artist explores
she has nothing more
than a hunch,
a “hmm…,”
a sense
of wonder.
When an artist produces
she has a vision,
a set of methods,
resources.
Exploration
is often hampered by our expectation
by our insecurity
fueled by the misunderstanding
that we need
a vision,
a set of methods,
and resources.
Production