A trap we often fall into is “either/or” thinking.
Someone professes their pain, we think they mean our pain is less. Not necessarily.
Someone says their achievement is great, we think they mean our achievement is less. Not necessarily.
Someone says something they have is worth much, we think they mean something we have is worth less. Not necessarily.
As the saying goes, it’s easy to judge others by their behaviors while judging ourselves by our intentions.
It can be difficult to realize our empathy so as to understand what others intend to mean over what we think they mean.
Yet, this can save us a ton of time and energy in the end.
People say we fear failure.
I’m not sure how many people actually fear failure.
What most of us fear is what other people will think of us when they’ve found out that we’ve failed.
Empathy realizing by itself is easy.
Realizing empathy, on the other hand, can be difficult.
Sometimes this is difficult due to a bias or a lack awareness.
But that’s not all.
What can also make it difficult is tension.
Tension is a conflict between what our mind needs or values vs what it has instead.
When we experience too much tension, we can become mired in the discomfort or pain.
In this state, we have no room in our being to realize our empathy.
When two people are experiencing significant tension, without the help of a 3rd-party—not only free of significant tension, but also well-versed in the art of realizing empathy—, it is unlikely the two will be able to realize empathy with each other.
Let us not confuse concern with love.
There’s nothing wrong with feeling concern for the people we love. At the same time, concern arises out of fear, not love. Yes, concern can be fueled by care, but care is not love.
It’s worth asking ourselves if desires like “I want my employees to perform better” or “I want my students to be successful,” are born out of fear or love.
The kinds of design that emerge out of repressed and unidentified fear can be unhelpful to others at best and harmful at its worst.
We often say “People don’t change.”
What we mean is people don’t change the way we want them to change.
People change the way they are motivated to change.
One of the quickest ways to feel frustrated is to coerce other people to change based on our own value system.
One of the most effective ways of sustaining that frustration is to rationalize why our own value system should be universal.