Tag: Teamwork

Wanting Others to Listen

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

As much as salespeople would like to sell,
Customers have no obligation to buy.

In that sense,
When we want something from others—
Even if we merely want them to listen to us—
One could say that we’re (momentarily) in sales and
They are our customers.

If so, let us notice how we sell,
When we want our children to clean their room,
When we want our employees to do a better job,
When we want our clients or patients to implement our strategy.

Ever walk into a dealership
Only to walk out,
Because you didn’t like the way they sell—
Even if you loved the car?

Unless our customers are unwilling or
Unable to say “No,” to us,
If we sell a particular way,
It is only natural that they won’t buy.

The Irony of Diversity & Inclusion Workshops

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

I was recently invited to run a workshop on Diversity & Inclusion.
I was surprised by the feedback.

The feedback emphasized how much people appreciated feeling safe enough to vulnerably express themselves.

I believe Diversity & Inclusion is about empathy.
If a workshop is run with empathy,
safety is a natural byproduct.
I took that for granted.

I’ve since learned that many Diversity & Inclusion workshops don’t make people feel safe.
In fact, it shames people for “lacking empathy,”
then tries to force them to “fix” their unconscious biases.

That shocked me.

Thanks to Craig Cmehill for recommending me to run this workshop.
Thanks to Janice Levenhagen-Seeley for inviting me.
This experience has opened my eyes in ways I didn’t expect.

Asking for Help

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

Those of us who value contribution habitually ask
“How can I help?”

Sometimes, this masks the tiny voice inside us saying
“I need help.”

Asking for help can be difficult.
Especially when we tend to play the role of “helper.”

When we empathize, we enter a space of inter-being,
a being other than “self” or “other.”

A space, where, instead of separating roles like
“helper” vs. “helpee,”
help flows
both ways.

A space where we need not try so hard to help,
and yet, the other feels helped,
and so do we.

It’s not always easy to enter this space, though.
That is until we meet someone willing to realize their empathy
with us.

A chance we may only have
if we’re willing
to ask for help.​

Strong Together

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 3

We say we want to be strong.

And by strong, we usually mean strong alone.

We can also be strong together.
And by being strong together,
I don’t mean helping others become strong alone.
Nor do I mean getting help so we can become strong alone.
I mean being strong by virtue of being together.

To be strong together is to be dependent, even for a moment.
Dependent is a dirty word with which nobody wants to be associated .
Yet, there are things we must depend on others to achieve.
Survival is one such thing.

Few things are more rewarding than knowing that we are needed.
Few things are more deadly than thinking we are not.

How Role Perception Blocks Our Appreciation

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

Perceiving people merely in their roles makes it easy for us to take them for granted in that moment.

You’re my mother, of course you cook for me.
You’re my child, of course you obey my orders.
You’re my employer, of course you pay me.
You’re my employee, of course you work hard for me.
You’re a doctor, of course you cure my ill.
You’re my patient, of course you do what I tell you.

The more we strip away the roles and see eye-to-eye, as human beings, the easier it is to appreciate each other.
The less appreciated we feel, the more resentment we let build in our relationship.
The more resentment we let build in our relationship, the more difficult it is to perceive beyond the roles.

Thus forms a vicious cycle.

Give vs Lend

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 1

We say we have
given.

Be it our care,
time,
or money, …

Yet, sometimes
we tightly hold on
to the memory
of having given.

If we’re not merely
remembering,
but holding on
to the memory
of having given,
then perhaps we have lent,
not given.

False Dilemma

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

A trap we often fall into is “either/or” thinking.

Someone professes their pain, we think they mean our pain is less. Not necessarily.
Someone says their achievement is great, we think they mean our achievement is less. Not necessarily.
Someone says something they have is worth much, we think they mean something we have is worth less. Not necessarily.

As the saying goes, it’s easy to judge others by their behaviors while judging ourselves by our intentions.
It can be difficult to realize our empathy so as to understand what others intend to mean over what we think they mean.

Yet, this can save us a ton of time and energy in the end.

Do People Change?

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

We often say “People don’t change.”

What we mean is people don’t change the way we want them to change.

People change the way they are motivated to change.

One of the quickest ways to feel frustrated is to coerce other people to change based on our own value system.

One of the most effective ways of sustaining that frustration is to rationalize why our own value system should be universal.