What if Irony is Judging Others for Lacking Empathy?
“I regret
not having hugged you last night.”
she said.
“Regret
is too strong an emotion.
I don’t want you
to feel it.”
responded her mother.
“But it’s what I feel,
why can’t you accept it?”
she asked
mildly protesting.
“I just don’t want you to feel that.”
responded her mother.
“But I feel it.
I feel it.
I feel regret.
It’s what I feel.”
she responded.
“I just want what’s best for you.
I want you to feel better.”
responded her mother.
“I just want you
to accept me.”
she responded.
One of the most difficult
and important need to manage
is our need to matter.
It is an existential need
that taps directly into our sense of self-worth.
Few are willing to admit to this need being a major driver.
Some admit to this in a roundabout way
by saying “I’m going to prove them wrong,”
which is a response to people who violated our need to matter.
Most will brush off the existence of this need
by emphasizing other needs
such as the need to contribute,
which is deemed more “altruistic,”
thus more acceptable and in alignment
with our desire to retain a self-image
of a “good” person.
Our need to matter
can serve as a powerful motivator to achieve something,
because achieving that thing may seem like the way to matter,
thus empowering us to persevere in the most difficult of times.
At the same time,
it can also blind us to behaviors that conspire against us.
Behaviors that, in hindsight, were excessive.
Behaviors we later regret.
Behaviors that may even cost us our lives
or lead to the demise of everything we’ve worked hard to build.
Our need to matter is a double-edged sword.
May we manage it
and manage well.