Tag: Leadership

Wanting Others to Listen

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

As much as salespeople would like to sell,
Customers have no obligation to buy.

In that sense,
When we want something from others—
Even if we merely want them to listen to us—
One could say that we’re (momentarily) in sales and
They are our customers.

If so, let us notice how we sell,
When we want our children to clean their room,
When we want our employees to do a better job,
When we want our clients or patients to implement our strategy.

Ever walk into a dealership
Only to walk out,
Because you didn’t like the way they sell—
Even if you loved the car?

Unless our customers are unwilling or
Unable to say “No,” to us,
If we sell a particular way,
It is only natural that they won’t buy.

When Autonomy Overwhelms

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

“You can be whatever you want to be,”
We told our children.

Except…

If I can be whatever I want,
I may feel like being something mundane isn’t good enough.

If I have infinite options,
I may feel overwhelmed by the complexity of decision making.

If I’m even uncertain as to what I want to be,
I may doubt whether I can amount to anything at all.

The same happens in our workplace.

When we, as leaders, give autonomy to our people.
Unless they can tame
The ambiguity,
Uncertainty,
and Complexity they perceive,
They can get stuck in shame, overwhelm, and doubt.

Join our next workshop.
Let us learn
To help our team get unstuck.

May we let autonomy be a gift,
Not a burden.

Being Empathic vs Being Nice

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 1

Let us not confuse being nice with being empathic.

Being nice aims to conform our behaviors
to static images defined by social norms.
Being empathic aims to custom design behaviors
to fit the specifics of self and other in interaction.

Being nice judges
what behaviors are absolutely good or right.
Being empathic (re)discovers
what behaviors are good or right for which context
of self and other in interaction.

When people respond negatively to our being nice,
we may feel appalled,
maybe even resentful of how ungrateful they seem.
When people respond negatively to our being empathic,
we may feel curious,
maybe even eager to learn how to design new behaviors.
Behaviors better fit for the context of self and other in interaction.

Growth on our own terms

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

We appreciate growth
when we grow on our timeline
in the direction we want to grow.

If we force others’ growth
to satisfy our own need for contribution,
no matter how good our intentions,
it’ll likely be unappreciated.

In fact,
others may even rebel
and do exactly the opposite of what we wish.

What a waste of time and effort, no?

Self-Awareness

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

The profundity of looking into the mirror
is not merely that we’re looking at our selves,
but that we’re looking at our selves from an other’s perspective.

It is by looking through the eyes of a different perspective
that we learn to become self-aware.

To lose our willingness to realize our empathy with such an other,
an other who sees things differently from us,
is to lose our ability to be self-aware.

Misunderstanding How Lobsters Grow

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

There’s a meme on how lobsters grow
by shedding their rigid shell and producing a new one.

It points out that before it can grow,
a lobster feels stress against their shell.

Thus, the moral of the story is:
1) Treating stress as a problem to be solved is to prevent growth.
2) Stress can be a sign of growth.

What it skims through, though,
is how lobsters need a rock
to protect itself from predators
before it can shed its shell.

So if our client, employee, boss, or partner
seems to be unwilling to let go of their shell,
or to grow & innovate,
the question isn’t “Why are they being so rigid?!”
It’s “Do we have a rock in place?”

Let me know if you’re willing to be a rock.

What Bird is That?

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

One day, a 92 year old man asked his 62 year old son.
“Son. What bird is that?”
“A magpie.” answered the son.

Few minutes later, the old man asked again.
“What bird is that?”
“A magpie, dad. A magpie.” answered the son.

Few minutes later, the old man asked yet again.
“What bird is that?”
“I just told you! It’s a magpie!”
“I see.” nodded the old man.

Few minutes later, the old man asked
“What bird is that?”
“Oh my God! You deaf, dad?! I just told you!! It’s a f@$in’ magpie!”

…

Mother, who’s watched the scene unfold
remarked with a teary gaze,
“When you were a child,
you used to ask your father the same question
over and over again
for years.
Would you be willing to bear one day?”

 

Derivation source: youtube

Will you go first?

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

Here’s a pattern I’ve observed repeatedly in my work.

If we think someone “lacks empathy”,
chances are good they think the same about us.

CEO thinks employees lack empathy.
Employee thinks CEO lacks empathy.

Doctor thinks patients lack empathy.
Patient thinks doctor lacks empathy.

Consultant thinks client lacks empathy.
Client thinks consultant lacks empathy.

Husband thinks wife lacks empathy.
Wife thinks husband lacks empathy.

It’s always the “other” that lacks empathy.

The challenge of leadership is to realize empathy first
instead of expecting others to do so.
And by “realize empathy,” I don’t mean be nice, kind, or altruistic.
I mean be willing & able to create unexpected meaning, value, form, and identity
through conversation.

Difficult, but possible through guided practice.

Direction vs Command

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

We often confuse direction with command.

A direction implies an invitation to look, to yearn.
A command implies a demand to do as told, to comply.

The two are significantly different.

Yet, we often confuse the two,
thereby refusing to direct,
sometimes assuming that it violates autonomy.

The opposite is often the case.

Autonomy without direction is often a recipe for overwhelm.