Same vs Different

No two “things”
can ever be
the same.

Especially if we consider
their location
in time
and space.

So when we hear someone say
“it’s the same thing,”
and we disagree,
we have at least
two choices.

We can argue why they’re not
the same.

We can also discover their perspective,
which is focusing on a similarity
between two or more things
that they value enough
to say “it’s the same thing.”

The choice
is ours
and ours only.

May we take responsibility
for our choices.

Beyond Compassion

Sometimes,
it’s not easy to go beyond
compassion.

To accept the challenge
of putting aside our own emotions
of concern.

To lessen our focus
on our good intentions
of wanting to alleviate someone’s suffering
or enhancing their well-being.

Maybe even to suspend
our indignance
and resentment.

So as to make room
for a sense of wonder.

To enhance our focus
on revising our expressions
for greater impact.

Connecting
and staying present with their emotions,
even if we may not like
or want to feel
those emotions.

Validation

At first,
I thought I had to do something huge
for my life
to be worth something.

Until I realized
that doing something huge
would still not be enough
unless I could feel
that it was indeed
worth it.

In other words,
what I was after
was a feeling.

Once I realized
that validation
was what I was after,
I noticed I lacked clarity
on whose validation I craved
and why.

Once I gained clarity
on whose validation I craved
and why,
it turned out
there were only a handful of people
whose validation
I deeply craved.

So I went to them
one by one
to learn how I can provide them
value,
only to learn
how remarkably simple—
not easy, but simple
it was
to do so.

It was then
that I realized
that at the end of the day,
the most difficult challenge
wasn’t
earning their validation.

The most difficult challenge
was accepting
that my life can have significant worth
without doing something
huge.

Irony

I lack empathy.
Sometimes.

We all lack empathy.
Sometimes.

Let those
who’s never lacked empathy,
judge others
for lacking empathy.

Let those
who’s never seen others lack empathy,
judge themselves
for lacking empathy.

Complaining

It’s ok
to complain.

In fact,
it can be healthy.

Except,
complain to someone
with skills.

The skills to summarize your complaint
far more succinctly
than you could
alone.

The skills to organize your complaint
far more clearly
than you could
alone.

The skills to guide your complaint
toward a resolution
you couldn’t reach
alone.

May we neither waste our complaint
on people who lack
such skills.

Nor leave such people frustrated
for lacking
such skills.

Lacking Empathy is Normal

100% of the CEOs
who bragged to me
about their exceptional empathy
were proven wrong
when I asked
their direct reports
and their family members.

Not because they lacked empathy
absolutely,
but because we all lack empathy
sometimes.

Except,
that sometime
may be a critical moment for some
enough for them to remember
that we were not there
when they needed us
to be there for them
the most.

Founder Mode

What “experts” or “professionals” may not get
about Paul Graham’s essay
is that it’s _primarily_ an act
of permission-giving.

The details of the essay
matters much less.

Many founders have felt pressured
by “experts” or “professionals” telling them
how to run their own companies.

It matters less
whether the advice came from VCs
with no experience running a company
or from Founders
with much experience running a company.

The fact of the matter is
what worked in context A
doesn’t always work
in context B.

That’s the limitation
of _advice-giving_
itself.

Paul’s essay
is making it ok for founders to say
“no thanks,”
to “expert” or “professional” advice.

To go at it
my way,”
for better
or for worse.

That’s much needed permission
for the Founders who have felt pressured
to follow “expert” or “professional” advice.

To be clear,
this is also a reminder
that when something isn’t working
we can either take responsibility
for doing what we believe
is right
or abdicate responsibility
by doing what others believe
is right,
because we’re either
afraid of being wrong
or feel helpless
without a choice.

For the “experts” or “professionals,”
Paul’s essay is an invitation
to also learn how to help
without giving advice.

Without resorting to
telling people what to do,
but instead
working with them
to create something neither
could have created
alone.