Category: Uncategorized

Suspending disbelief
open us up
to imagine
without believing.

And if we have trouble imagining
we can seek support
just as artists do
from the very material with which
we’re trying to imagine
by asking them questions
and working with them
to see what we can learn from them.

Often times,
what we need
is a story,
based on facts,
with which we can
realize empathy

As long as the story is based on facts,
whether that story is actually the reason
or not is less important.

What matters is that
we can understand and appreciate
why
in a way that depersonalizes us
(if the reason why certain stories are not acceptable or hanunting us is
because it personalizes us
it faults us.

The story right now is mom left me because she thought I was worthless
if I can appreciate her story of how much fear she felt of the thought of raising a child,
then I can understand,

but appreciation has to come first
not understanding

because even if we understand that someone is doing something because they’re insecure
without appreciation of the insecurity
we can easily judge the insecurity
as a weapon to say “well, they shouldn’t be so insecure if they’re CEO!”

The challenge
of whether or not
to fire someone
is rarely a challenge
of whether or not
to fire them.

The real challenge
may not become clear
until we acknowledge
the emotions we feel
confronted with the prospect
of firing them.

Guilt
Regret
Gratitude

Conflicted with

Certainty

The need to maintain relationship.

“What do you remember
as the single most
disrespectful event
you’ve experienced
as an employee?”
the founder asked.

“Being treated
as a means
to the company’s
ends”
I replied.

“But isn’t that
natural?”
she asked.

“From the company’s perspective,
perhaps.”
I replied.

“But from the employee’s
perspective
I’m sacrificing my time and energy
to be with you
when I could be
with someone else

We say
we have too much
to do.

When it may be
that we choose to do
more than we can
handle.

There are times
when taking responsibility
restores the power we need
to take charge
of our lives.

“Can you coach
one of my direct reports, too?”
asked the founder.

“Only if
you’re willing to accept the possibility
that they’ll feel empowered
to leave your company.”
I replied.

It can be hard
to validate others
when it seems as though
validating them
means
invalidating
ourselves.

It can be crucial
to ask yourself
whether it is true
that validating others
means
invalidating ourselves,
or
that we simply cannot see
the situation
in such a way
that validatings others
need not mean
invalidating
ourselves.

Empathy
is a word
that explains why
we can feel
as if we’re connected
across boundaries
and distance.

Connecting across boundaries
is neither absolutely good
nor absolutely bad.

What it is
is a curious,
sometimes surprising,
phenomena.

What meaning
and value
is created
or discovered
and by whom
will determine
whether it is good
or bad.

There
is a world of a difference
between trying to persuade
and persuasion emerging
as a byproduct.

There is a world of a difference
between trying to help
and helpfulness emerging
as a byproduct.