Category: Uncategorized

Sometimes
we speak
as if we are
others.

“I am sad”
vs
“I am feeling sadness”

“I am a CEO”
vs
“I play the role of a CEO”

“I am fit”
vs
“I have a fit body”

Perhaps we speak this way
out of habit.

Perhaps we speak this way
when we hyper-empathize.

No matter the reason,
it’s worth creating
distinctions
and boundaries with them,
so we can empathize.

It can be hard
to validate others
when it seems as though
validating them
means
invalidating
ourselves.

It can be crucial
to ask yourself
whether it is true
that validating others
means
invalidating ourselves,
or
that we simply cannot see
the situation
in such a way
that validatings others
need not mean
invalidating
ourselves.

“I hate the fact
that the only way I can feel better
in my co-founder relationship
is to think of my co-founder
as an employee.”
said the founder.

“What do you mean?”
I asked.

“I have to lower my expectations.”
the founder answered.

“Lower how?”
I asked

“That he may not be able to support me
the way I want him
to support me.”

“What do you remember
as the single most
disrespectful event
you’ve experienced
as an employee?”
the founder asked.

“Being treated
as a means
to the company’s
ends”
I replied.

“But isn’t that
natural?”
she asked.

“From the company’s perspective,
perhaps.”
I replied.

“But from the employee’s
perspective
I’m sacrificing my time and energy
to be with you
when I could be
with someone else

We say
we have too much
to do.

When it may be
that we choose to do
more than we can
handle.

There are times
when taking responsibility
restores the power we need
to take charge
of our lives.

“Can you coach
one of my direct reports, too?”
asked the founder.

“Only if
you’re willing to accept the possibility
that they’ll feel empowered
to leave your company.”
I replied.

“How do I retain
my best employees?”
asked the founder.

Equally important is to choose to take responsibility in seeing that your employees are not for us to “retain.” They have a life journey they’re on and it is not up to us to “retain” them. No matter how much progress, meaning, and choice they feel there will come a time when your employee will want to leave. It’s worth reflecting on the deeper fear that is giving rise to the question of and address that more fundamentally.

When we push someone
against the direction of their weight
we feel
resistance.

When we support someone
we push them
against the direction of their weight
and we feel
resistance

There lies
a delicate balance
betweeen
pushing someone
and supporting someone.

“I need to prove that they’re wrong.”
said the CEO.

“Why?”
I asked

“Because I don’t want him to think I’m making an arbitrary decision.”
she responded.

“What do you think will happen if you prove them wrong?”
I asked

“He’ll probably trying to prove he’s right.”
she responded.

And then what?

I’ll prove him wrong again.

Then what?

I guess we’ll go around in circles.

You do realize
that you cannot guarntee you’re right, right?

Yeah, I do.

But nor does he!

True

But you have the power
to make the decision

What have you got to lose
if you simply said
“I may be wrong, but I’d like to make this decision for the following reasons.”