First time we snowboard,
we tend to use a lot of force.
When our snowboarding,
are not to our liking,
we may apply even more force.
when we snowboard,
we may feel more relaxed.
When we have to stop abruptly,
make a bold mark,
assert a final decision,
we may still use force.
But these are different uses of force.
In the first case,
it was probably because we were afraid of falling,
making a mistake,
Once we can empathize with
our drawing tools,
fear can vanish for a moment
in the experience of oneness
beyond “I” vs “them.”
Force used in fear
Like two opponents wrestling.
Force used while empathizing
Like two partners dancing.
One of the most common block to insight
To realize empathy with cynicism
it can be useful to model it
as doubt + judgment.
This implies that
once we strip our cynicism of judgment,
we can more clearly confront our doubt.
Then as we develop the requisite skill and will
to zoom into our doubt,
it can lead to the discovery
of our worry or concern,
over a future we do not wish to see happen.
When we can clearly see and hear
this undesired future
we can also increase the probability
of realizing empathy,
which ultimately helps us create choices,
the kind that gives us a feeling of possibility
beyond the horizon of cynicism,
which is a key
to designing toward a future
we do wish to see happen,
instead of staying stuck
unconsciously envisioning a future
we do not wish to see happen.
we may have 5 options.
Yet, none of them
may move us
We can weigh the options
all we want,
but this may merely fuel
our inner conflict,
until we feel moved enough
the kind I find fascinating
is the kind that arises
when we realize
when we’ve finally moved
from a state of dissonance—
of not empathizing—
to a state of resonance—
when what we once could not see
becomes surprisingly self-evident,
and oh so obvious
making us go
“Oh, of course…!”
exclaiming at the possibility
that has just
p.s: My gratitude goes out to Dr. Paul Pangaro for the wonderful conversation that inspired this post.
I coach professionals who aren’t
Founders or CEOs.
Guess who they complain about the most?
Their Founder or CEO.
What I often hear
is that they don’t feel appreciated
by their Founder or CEO.
This is a well-known phenomenon.
What still fascinates me, though,
is what they say the Founder or CEO could do
to give them this sense of appreciation.
Rarely do I hear things like
“Praise me for a job well done.”
More often than not I hear things like
“I wish they’d stop frowning when I’m sharing my ideas.”
“I wish they’d stop telling me to figure it out on my own, even if that’s what I end up doing.”
They were distressed about the sense of isolation they felt
when their Founder or CEO
dawned a particular facial expression
or told them to figure something out on their own
as they were in a vulnerable emotional state.
What’s perhaps ironic
is that many Founders or CEOs I coach
say the same thing
as they see the same behaviors
and feel the same emotions
in relation to their employees.