Month: October 2017

Certainty, not Uncertainty, Fuels Our Fear

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 1

We often say uncertainty
is scary.

Not exactly.

In situations of uncertainty,
there often co-exists
a feeling of certainty.

Except,
the certainty is of a negative future consequence.

Even if it’s not absolutely certain
something bad will happen.
It feels like it will.

What’s scary about uncertainty
is not uncertainty.

It’s the relationship
between feeling certain of a negative future consequence
and feeling uncertain of a positive future consequence.

Certainty is what fuels our fear.

To navigate uncertainty
we have to find a way
to decrease the certainty
of a negative future consequence.

In doing so,
we can start to let uncertainty excite our curiosity,
thereby turning it
into a motivator.

Pause, Reflect, Relieve Tension

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

When we live a life
too busy
to pause
to reflect,
we can feel overwhelmed
with things
to do.

We’re constantly seeking
to release our tension.

Yet no matter what we do
we don’t feel our tension
release.

Mired in tension,
we also don’t feel
we have any room in our being
to be fully present
with others,
to be wholly honest
to others,
to be sufficiently receptive
of others.

So we interrupt them,
we present them
with a mask of politeness,
we yell
and criticize them.

All behaviors
that fuel disconnection
despite best intentions
and our—ironically—
deep-seated need
for connection.

One of the simplest,
yet most important
and difficult things we can do
as founders
is to relieve ourselves
of our own tension,
by realizing empathy
with ourselves.

Men, not Unlike Women, are Complex

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 2

In a workshop I lead,
a woman—a wife—
publicly shared
that she never realized
how complex
men were.

She’s always assumed
men
were simple.

She witnessed
that when a coach creates a space
in which men
can be brave enough
to expose their feelings
of fear and shame
the complexity gets articulated.

It’s difficult o articulate what we’ve yet to learn how,
especially when there is social risk.

It often feels easier
to hide
or to repress.

Many men live this way
their entire lives.

There’s significant misunderstanding
or misperception
between men & women.

Much well-intended,
but overly simplistic misinformation
as well.
(i.e. Men are from Mars,
Women are from Venus)

These may mask things in the short term,
but things can eventually erupt.

Losing Touch is Natural

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

A colleague I had lost touch for nearly a decade reached out to me few weeks ago.

We had a wonderful chat.

What struck me was that he felt hesitant to reach out because he hadn’t kept in touch for a long time.

Let me be clear.

If you’ve entered my life at one point in time, no matter how long we’ve lost touch, you’re still in my life.

Please do not hesitate to reach out to me. Losing touch is one of the most natural things that can happen in life. There’s nothing wrong with it.

This is even more so if you wish to ask me for a favor. Please ask me for favors. I’d love to help if I can. I feel alive when I’m contributing to other people’s lives. If I can help, you’re doing me a favor.