What if Irony is Judging Others for Lacking Empathy?
If
1 + 1 = ?
is a problem
and
“This is a lie.”
is a paradox,
a problem often implies
the method—
in this case
addition
—with which to solve
the problem,
while a paradox
does not.
If you mistake
a paradox
for a problem,
the more time you spend
applying the method
you think
will solve the problem,
the more time
you may spend
staying stuck.
When we lose
our startup.
Many stories
arise.
One
is that we
have failed.
At what exactly?
Just because
that company
was not the company
with which you achieved
what you wanted to achieve,
it doesn’t mean
there will be no other company
with which
to do so.
The loss of your startup
does not equal
the loss
of your life’s work.
In fact,
it may equal
the gain
of the knowledge required
to do your life’s work.
The question may be
what
your life’s work
is
and are you willing
to continue
it.
Validation
has somehow become
a dirty word.
So has attention.
It’s as if
seeking validation
or attention
is shameful.
…
Human beings need
validation
and attention.
Without it,
we’ll die
a slow death.
It’s one thing
to suggest behavioral changes
as to how
when
and from whom
people seek validation
or attention.
It’s quite another
to shame
the human need
for attention
or validation.
This may only increase
the tension
living inside
humanity,
and, in turn,
may either provoke
the very behaviors we dislike
or merely make it
less visible,
and perhaps,
as a result,
make it,
more
dangerous.
“Do you know
what my co-founder told me?.”
the founder asked,
rhetorically.
“If you want to go fast,
go alone.
If you want to go far,
go together.”
he smirked,
before continuing.
“He doesn’t seem to realize
that there are few times
when I feel more alone
than when I’m together
with him.”
Despite best intentions,
what we say
out of care,
concern,
or worry,
can be perceived
as aggression
by others.
As doth
a streetlight,
being there
for each other
with their lights on,
with nary a guarantee
of the future,
we
will get through this.
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Our identity,
is who we are.
No matter what anyone says,
we are
who we are.
Our self-image
is created,
when we let others
or even ourselves
dictate
our identity.
“You’re the athletic one
and your sister
is the smart one.”
“I’m not good
at math.”
“Men don’t cry.”
May we not confuse
our identity
with our
self-image.
One
of the most common emotions
founders discover
within themselves
is vengefulness.
In the presence
of vengefulness
it’s sometimes worth asking
whether our time
is best spent
on what we hate
vs
what we love.
Because sometimes
we may only have enough time
to choose
between
supporting
who or what we love
vs
hurting
who or what we hate.
Except
the lack of time
isn’t always obvious
until we explore
the question.
In fact,
we may not even realize
that we are experiencing
vengefulness
until we realize empathy
with ourselves.
In conversation,
a question worth asking
is whether we are attempting
to decrease
or increase
the number of choices
for others.
Depending on the answer,
we can often gauge
whether we are moving
in the direction of fear
or courage.
p.s: Thanks to Paul Pangaro for introducing me to the essay on Ethics and Second-Order Cybernetics that inspired this post.
Product
is another word
for “outcome.”
The product of
4 and 4
is 16.
When a designer designs something
the product
from the designer’s perspective
is the outcome
of their design.
When someone buys something
the product
from their perspective
is the outcome
of their purchase.
The product
people are buying
are not always
the product
we’ve designed.