I want you
to be happy.
I want you
to be happy.
Don’t you know
that I do?
Why don’t you know
that I do?
What must I do
so you’ll know?
Why must you
continue
to hurt me?
Tag: Teamwork
Method vs Context
Sometimes,
we think our method of communication
sucks.
Maybe.
But before the method
there is
relationship.
It is in the relationship,
where emotions
such as trust
reside.
If the relationship is sound,
the method can matter
less.
If the relationship is unsound
the method
Complaining
It’s ok
to complain.
In fact,
it can be healthy.
Except,
complain to someone
with skills.
The skills to summarize your complaint
far more succinctly
than you could
alone.
The skills to organize your complaint
far more clearly
than you could
alone.
The skills to guide your complaint
toward a resolution
you couldn’t reach
alone.
May we neither waste our complaint
on people who lack
such skills.
Nor leave such people frustrated
for lacking
such skills.
I wouldn’t have
We sometimes say
“if I were them,
I wouldn’t have done that.”
The question is not merely
whether we would have behaved
differently.
The question is
had we the same
emotions,
intentions,
needs,
and values
whether we would have behaved
differently.
Decision Maker
The decision
can only be made
by the decision
maker.
No matter how much we dislike
the decision made,
the responsibility of decision making
lies solely
with the decision
maker.
In much the same way,
the decision we make
in response to other’s decisions
is our responsibility.
Anxiety
Sometimes
telling someone to calm down
is like telling someone who has to pee
to hold it in.
Other times
telling someone to calm down
is like telling someone who is already peeing
to hold it in.
Perspective Taking
Other people’s perspectives
are not ours
to take.
The perspectives
we can take from others
are none other
than our own.
May we not confuse
our own perspectives
with that
of others.
Even if the perspective
is shared.
Weight
When doing something
big.
To think that
we
can carry the weight
alone
is a misunderstanding.
To think that
anyone
can or will carry the weight
with us
is also a misunderstanding.
It may be that
finding people
who can and will carry the weight
with us
and learning to share that weight
with them
well
is a major part of the work
itself.
A Difficult Case
When someone judges us
a “difficult
case,”
it can be easy
to blame ourselves
for being
a “difficult,
case.”
While this may mean
there is something extraordinary
about us,
it also means
that someone with greater skills
will not not judge us
a “difficult
case.”
p.s: This was inspired by a meeting with a doctor who called my wife a “difficult case,” while asking her to work with another doctor with more experience and skill. An unfortunately common case of compassion without empathy, displayed by many of us, including yours truly, when we take on the role of caregiving.
Arrogance
Sometimes
arrogance can arise
in the presence
of another person
whom
we distrust.