Tag: Burden

Validation

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

At first,
I thought I had to do something huge
for my life
to be worth something.

Until I realized
that doing something huge
would still not be enough
unless I could feel
that it was indeed
worth it.

In other words,
what I was after
was a feeling.

…

Once I realized
that validation
was what I was after,
I noticed I lacked clarity
on whose validation I craved
and why.

…

Once I gained clarity
on whose validation I craved
and why,
it turned out
there were only a handful of people
whose validation
I deeply craved.

So I went to them
one by one
to learn how I can provide them
value,
only to learn
how remarkably simple—
not easy, but simple—
it was
to do so.

It was then
that I realized
that at the end of the day,
the most difficult challenge
wasn’t
earning their validation.

The most difficult challenge
was accepting
that my life can have significant worth
without doing something
huge.

Founder Mode

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

What “experts” or “professionals” may not get
about Paul Graham’s essay
is that it’s _primarily_ an act
of permission-giving.

The details of the essay
matters much less.

Many founders have felt pressured
by “experts” or “professionals” telling them
how to run their own companies.

It matters less
whether the advice came from VCs
with no experience running a company
or from Founders
with much experience running a company.

The fact of the matter is
what worked in context A
doesn’t always work
in context B.

That’s the limitation
of _advice-giving_
itself.

Paul’s essay
is making it ok for founders to say
“no thanks,”
to “expert” or “professional” advice.

To go at it
“my way,”
for better
or for worse.

That’s much needed permission
for the Founders who have felt pressured
to follow “expert” or “professional” advice.

To be clear,
this is also a reminder
that when something isn’t working
we can either take responsibility
for doing what we believe
is right
or abdicate responsibility
by doing what others believe
is right,
because we’re either
afraid of being wrong
or feel helpless
without a choice.

…

For the “experts” or “professionals,”
Paul’s essay is an invitation
to also learn how to help
without giving advice.

Without resorting to
telling people what to do,
but instead
working with them
to create something neither
could have created
alone.

To Those Who Carry the Burden

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

To those
who carry the burden.

The small business CEOs,
responsible for paying their employees’
salaries.

The parents,
responsible for their children’s
well-being.

The operating room doctors,
responsible for their patients’
lives.

To all those
who have experienced the weight
of responsibility on their shoulders.

You may be feeling the pressure
to meet expectations.

You may be blaming yourself
day after day
for failing to meet
expectations.

But may you never lose
the certainty
and confidence in yourself.

May you never doubt
your self-worth
or whether you’re working hard enough.

Because your life
is worthy of respect
exactly as they are.

While others may see you
challenged,
I see greatness.

Just
as the great mountains and valleys
are mere residues
of nature
under pressure and weight.

Great lives
are mere residues
of our will to sustain life
under pressure and weight.

p.s: This was inspired by my wife’s work and her comparison of nature’s work under pressure and weight and an artist’s work under pressure and weight.

p.p.s: I also made a video version of this narrated by AI.

Unshared Weight

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

“The weight
of responsibility
is so heavy.”
remarked the Founder.

“No.”
I responded.

“The weight
of unshared responsibility
is heavy.”
I continued.

“The weight
will be the same
no matter what.
The choice you have
is with whom
you’ll share it
and how.
The choice is yours
and yours
only.”
I remarked.

Apology as Load Sharing

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

When someone gives us
an apology
we need to receive,
the load of a burden we’ve been carrying
becomes shared
with the person
who gave
the apology.

When someone accepts
our apology
we need accepted,
the load of a burden we’ve been carrying
becomes​ shared
with the person
who accepted
the apology.

Burden

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

“Why didn’t you
tell me?”
I asked.

“I didn’t want
to be a burden.”
she responded.

…

“But what if
you had died?”
was the question
I never asked.

“Have you ever thought
about the guilt
that I would have had
to live with?”
was the resentment
I never expressed.

“In your desire
to be a good mother
you could have made me
a bad son.”
was the blow
I never threw.

…

“You’re not my mother
because you’re not
a burden.”
was the acknowledgment
I never made.

“You’re my mother
because you are.”
was the tear
I never shed.

“I love you.”
was the honesty
I never expressed.

Gratitude vs Indebtedness

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

Gratitude
is an emotion.

Indebtedness
is a judgment one makes
on top of gratitude
to inject our being
with a noble burden.

One that whispers
“You must pay this back.
If you don’t,
you’re not good enough.”

A burden
that sometimes leads us
to hyper-empathize
with the person
to whom
we feel indebted.

Just the Way You Are

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

Despite grieving
their lost youth.

Despite feeling
unworthy
in front of their employees.

Despite lacking
a mere one good night’s sleep.

There are those who are willing
to light themselves up
again
and again
and again
in the crucible
of responsibility.

Customer complaints,
Employee demands,
Investor rejections.

All that is said
may well be right.

And yet
the weight,
the burden,
the load,
is one
and the same.

…

It is a haze
that last moment of breath.

If a mere 10 minutes
may we put it all down
to let out a big
sigh.

Despite the tightening of our chest.

Despite the sight
of our inflated belly
that we may despise

May we feel that sense
of fulfillment
arise from within.

You’re a miracle
for having survived til now.

You’ve done well
for having stayed alive
breathing.

I’m proud of you
just the way
you are.