Behavior vs Need

Validation
has somehow become
a dirty word.

So has attention.

It’s as if
seeking validation
or attention
is shameful.

Human beings need
validation
and attention.

Without it,
we’ll die
a slow death.

It’s one thing
to suggest behavioral changes
as to how
when
and from whom
people seek validation
or attention.

It’s quite another
to shame
the human need
for attention
or validation.

This may only increase
the tension
living inside
humanity,
and, in turn,
may either provoke
the very behaviors we dislike
or merely make it
less visible,
and perhaps,
as a result,
make it,
more
dangerous.

Word vs Meaning

Words often mislead us.

This is normal.

In fact,
I spent much of my first book
talking about how words like
courage,
humility,
respecting,
listening,
considering,
acting,
had misled me.

Words do often lead our attention.

Yet, where the attention is led
can surprise us,
because words only have meaning in context,
And that context resides
not only with the person uttering the word,
but also the person interpreting it.

So much of our verbal disagreements happen
because we are unwilling
to let others lead our attention
to their meaning.

We’re more interested in arguing
that their use of the word is “wrong” or “bad,”
while our use is “right” or “good.”

Perhaps.

Except we’re back to the problem solver’s mindset.

Let us be honest.

Is this mindset helping us solve the problem?

If so,
great.

If not…

It may be time
to switch
to the paradox dissolver’s mindset.