Asking for Advice

Sometimes,
we need to ask for advice
on how to solve
our problems.

Before asking,
it may be worth getting clear on:

  1. What the current situation is,
  2. Where you’re trying to move to,
  3. What you believe are required
    to make such a move,
  4. What you’ve already done
    to fulfill those requirements,
    and having done them,
  5. What you see
    are the remaining problems.

Founder Mode

What “experts” or “professionals” may not get
about Paul Graham’s essay
is that it’s _primarily_ an act
of permission-giving.

The details of the essay
matters much less.

Many founders have felt pressured
by “experts” or “professionals” telling them
how to run their own companies.

It matters less
whether the advice came from VCs
with no experience running a company
or from Founders
with much experience running a company.

The fact of the matter is
what worked in context A
doesn’t always work
in context B.

That’s the limitation
of _advice-giving_
itself.

Paul’s essay
is making it ok for founders to say
“no thanks,”
to “expert” or “professional” advice.

To go at it
my way,”
for better
or for worse.

That’s much needed permission
for the Founders who have felt pressured
to follow “expert” or “professional” advice.

To be clear,
this is also a reminder
that when something isn’t working
we can either take responsibility
for doing what we believe
is right
or abdicate responsibility
by doing what others believe
is right,
because we’re either
afraid of being wrong
or feel helpless
without a choice.

For the “experts” or “professionals,”
Paul’s essay is an invitation
to also learn how to help
without giving advice.

Without resorting to
telling people what to do,
but instead
working with them
to create something neither
could have created
alone.

Two Birds with One Stone

Sometimes
we complain that our advice falls
on deaf ears.

If so
it may be worth discerning
the kind of problem
to which we’re giving
advice.

One type of problem
is a dilemma.

A dilemma arises
when we want to catch two birds
with one stone.

If our advice to someone with a dilemma
is to kill
just one bird.

The likelihood
of that advice falling on deaf ears
is high.

Process vs Outcome

When we give advice,
we often offer
an outcome.

“Have courage.”
“Forgive.”
“Be patient.”

All outcomes
that arise
from a process.

Instead of giving advice,
what if we were to ask
questions?


“What would you need
right now
to feel
courage?”

“What is it
that makes it difficult
for you
to forgive?”

“What pain arises
when you seek to practice
patience?”

Questions
that guide people
through
the process.