Category: Short Form

How Role Perception Blocks Our Appreciation

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

Perceiving people merely in their roles makes it easy for us to take them for granted in that moment.

You’re my mother, of course you cook for me.
You’re my child, of course you obey my orders.
You’re my employer, of course you pay me.
You’re my employee, of course you work hard for me.
You’re a doctor, of course you cure my ill.
You’re my patient, of course you do what I tell you.

The more we strip away the roles and see eye-to-eye, as human beings, the easier it is to appreciate each other.
The less appreciated we feel, the more resentment we let build in our relationship.
The more resentment we let build in our relationship, the more difficult it is to perceive beyond the roles.

Thus forms a vicious cycle.

To Be or Not To Be

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

I still remember the day I realized I was not living my own life.

I was shocked.

Why?

Because I prided myself on living my own life.
I had been intentionally deviating from what my friends were doing.
I thought I was living my own life.

But no.
It turns out I’d been conforming to nonconformity.
I’d been playing the role of a “rebel.”

Much of our lives are spent playing roles: a good son, a caring parent, a resilient entrepreneur, a modernist painter, a stoic physician, …

As we do, we mistake pretending for being ourselves.
Actually. No.
We mistake pretending for being.

Hamlet once said “To be or not to be, that is the question.”
Let us ask this question.
Lest we die having never lived.

Choose to Relieve Your Tension

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 1

Some of our tensions
come from sitting around
hunched over
a computer screen.

Go running.
Do a few burpees.
Stand up
and write on the whiteboard.
If you’re breathing shallow,
breathe from your belly.
Stand tall,
look up at the ceiling for a few seconds
and smile.
Submerge your face
in ice-cold water for a few seconds,
a few times.
For a period of time,
walk around
holding a frozen water bottle in your hand.
Receive emotional support.
Get the help of a professional.

Whatever you do,
may we remember
there exists the option
to choose to take the first step
to relieving our tension.

Whether we do it ourselves
or ask for the help of others,
may we make the choice.

Now.

Give vs Lend

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 1

We say we have
given.

Be it our care,
time,
or money, …

Yet, sometimes
we tightly hold on
to the memory
of having given.

If we’re not merely
remembering,
but holding on
to the memory
of having given,
then perhaps we have lent,
not given.

False Dilemma

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

A trap we often fall into is “either/or” thinking.

Someone professes their pain, we think they mean our pain is less. Not necessarily.
Someone says their achievement is great, we think they mean our achievement is less. Not necessarily.
Someone says something they have is worth much, we think they mean something we have is worth less. Not necessarily.

As the saying goes, it’s easy to judge others by their behaviors while judging ourselves by our intentions.
It can be difficult to realize our empathy so as to understand what others intend to mean over what we think they mean.

Yet, this can save us a ton of time and energy in the end.

Realizing Empathy can be Difficult

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

Empathy realizing by itself is easy.
Realizing empathy, on the other hand, can be difficult.

Sometimes this is difficult due to a bias or a lack awareness.
But that’s not all.
What can also make it difficult is tension.

Tension is a conflict between what our mind needs or values vs what it has instead.

When we experience too much tension, we can become mired in the discomfort or pain.
In this state, we have no room in our being to realize our empathy.

When two people are experiencing significant tension, without the help of a 3rd-party—not only free of significant tension, but also well-versed in the art of realizing empathy—, it is unlikely the two will be able to realize empathy with each other.

Let us not confuse concern with love.

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

Let us not confuse concern with love.

There’s nothing wrong with feeling concern for the people we love. At the same time, concern arises out of fear, not love. Yes, concern can be fueled by care, but care is not love.

It’s worth asking ourselves if desires like “I want my employees to perform better” or “I want my students to be successful,” are born out of fear or love.

The kinds of design that emerge out of repressed and unidentified fear can be unhelpful to others at best and harmful at its worst.

Do People Change?

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 0

We often say “People don’t change.”

What we mean is people don’t change the way we want them to change.

People change the way they are motivated to change.

One of the quickest ways to feel frustrated is to coerce other people to change based on our own value system.

One of the most effective ways of sustaining that frustration is to rationalize why our own value system should be universal.

Gift of Permission

Posted on by Seung Chan Lim 1

I once told my mother, “You’ve lived a life of sacrifice. It’s time you lived for yourself.” She tells me this was a gift: a gift of permission.

As leaders, we often feel pressured to do things for others. It’s our way of being good, caring leaders.
We may also feel that unless we fulfill others’ expectations, we’re not good or good enough.

But what if these pressures and expectations are self-imposed?

Self-imposed notions of “good” or “caring” may be unappreciated—even resented—by others. Thus, “live for yourself” is an invitation, not to be selfish, but to be relieved of the pressure to satisfy false or unrealistic expectations. It is to make room in our relationship for realizing empathy.