What if Irony is Judging Others for Lacking Empathy?
For people in need of help
“How can I help?”
can be an overwhelming
question.
Instead,
listen and inquire deeply.
To unearth
their unconscious concerns.
Respect creatively.
To make value
from their unappreciated concerns.
Request permission.
Before sharing the load
of those specific concerns.
Be honest.
Enough to share
your own struggles.
And most importantly,
follow up.
Soon,
the need to ask
“How can I help?”
will vanish.
Doing our best
does not guarantee
an ideal outcome.
In fact,
what doing our best can do
that doing less cannot
is expose to us
our limitations.
In such a way
that we become motivated
to either
accept our limitations
with our whole heart
or
embark on a journey of development
to extend the boundary
of our limitations.
“I don’t know how
to persuade him” said the founder.
“What
do you want to have happen?”
I asked.
“I want to persuade him.”
she responded.
“No.
What do you want to have happen
by persuading him?”
I asked again.
“…”
“I want you
to move your focus away from the how
to what it is you really want.” I remarked,
breaking the silence.
“What do you want?”
I asked again.
“I want…
…
I want to feel supported.” she answered,
after much thought.
“When’s the last time
you felt supported by him?”
I asked.
“I’ve never felt supported by him.”
she answered.
“Then what makes you so sure
that persuading him
is the way to feel supported?”
I asked.
One
of the hardest things
I had to learn in art school
was how to stop
thinking.
At first,
I just told myself
to stop thinking,
which made me think
more.
I only stopped thinking
after I learned
to empathize with my materials—
be it wood,
or metal.
And I only learned
to empathize with my materials
after interacting with it
over
and over
and over again,
learning
to support
and to be supported
in that relationship.
Until there was
trust.
Trust
that came from
having co-developed
a contract
of support.
A creative process
we casually call
“making”