Child psychologist Lewis Lipsitt once said
“We mature, when what we once assumed to know
takes on more subtlety and nuance,
thus changes in meaning.”
The word “making art” used to mean
Being stubborn or egocentric
enough to get away with bullshit.
So I used to despise art.
But after 4 years of realizing empathy with artists,
the word changed in meaning to
Letting go of our ego
to learn from others
on how to uncover & express our sincere honesty.
Words necessarily change in meaning as we mature.
parenting & leadership
will change in meaning
as we mature
as parents & leaders.
So will words like
or marketing and sales.
This is no coincidence.
Until I was 21,
I not only moved every ~2 years locally,
but also every ~5 years internationally.
To a child,
moving can bring great grief into their lives,
leaving behind many emotional scars.
But I’m ultimately grateful for the pain.
They helped me mature and innovate my “self.”
I don’t know many people in Chicago.
I have nothing planned,
nor do I have business lined up locally.
All I have is an intuition,
That this is where I’m meant to be now.
Am I being impulsive?
Yet intuition is what’s guided me on my journey of 41 years.
A journey of maturing and innovating with others.
A journey of empathy.
It’s served me well so far.
I trust it.
A common phenomena I see among co-founders I coach is this:
- Founder A does something she believes Founder B should appreciate.
- Those are not things B actually appreciates, but B says “thanks” out of politeness.
- A thinks she’s done something of significant worth to B and expects a reciprocal behavior from B born out of B’s appreciation for A.
- B has no awareness of the expectation.
- A never receives the reciprocal expression.
Imagine both people doing this — thinking it’s “for” each other
While neither are feeling their needs genuinely fulfilled.
This relationship may be a ticking time bomb.
It is unlikely for people to stay in relationship
When they don’t feel appreciated.
is only a conflict between
Our feeling of what reality
ought to be.”
I define tension
as a conflict between
What we have
What we need or value.
When I noticed
the remarkable similarity
between these two,
that we can either
judge tension as “bad,”
so as to frame it as a “problem.”
We can let it evoke
our curiosity and wonder
so as to frame it
as a “paradox.”
can be ours.
Any time we have the urge to say “I disagree,”
It’s worth asking ourselves “What purpose am I hoping to fulfill?”
If the purpose of expressing disagreement is…
- To express disagreement, then spending our energy to express disagreement would likely be energy well-spent.
- To prevent something “bad” from happening, the energy may be better spent expressing our fear or concern of the “bad” thing.
- To ask the other person to do something, the energy may be better spent making a request to the other person.