There is a “self” we think
we should be.
There is a “self” others say
we should be.
There is a a “self” we think
we are.
There is a “self” others think
we are.
All of them blinds us
to the “self”
we actually are
or the “self”
we can be.
Tag: Self-Image
Self-Image vs Identity
Our identity,
is who we are.
No matter what anyone says,
we are
who we are.
Our self-image
is created,
when we let others
or even ourselves
dictate
our identity.
“You’re the athletic one
and your sister
is the smart one.”
“I’m not good
at math.”
“Men don’t cry.”
May we not confuse
our identity
with our
self-image.
Unconscious Shame
I once attended a workshop
that laid out a model of how shame develops.
The model suggested,
that when children feel overwhelmed with emotion,
—pleasant or unpleasant—
their natural instinct
is often to reach out to others
—like their parents—
to process it.
Yet,
for better or for worse,
parents may unintentionally “reject“ such reaching out.
And with repeated “rejection,”
children may start to subconsciously judge themselves
as unworthy of love and attention,
when overwhelmed with emotion.
Thus planting the seed of shame.
In hindsight,
I spent much of my life coping with shame.
I did it by pursuing a self-image
of someone who never felt overwhelmed.
A stoic who could always “figure it out,”
through sheer intellect and will power.
It wasn’t until I began my work on empathy,
that I learned the choice
to empathize with that part of me,
instead of hyper-empathizing with it.
It was perhaps as Carl Jung once said,
“Until you make the unconscious conscious,
it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”