What if Irony is Judging Others for Lacking Empathy?
We say
that when we love someone
we want
what’s best for them.
What we don’t say,
but mean,
is that we may even want to make sure
they get the best.
So much so
that we may personally feel responsible
for giving them
the best.
Even if it means making ourselves vulnerable
to feeling ashamed,
when we inevitably realize
that we are unable
to fulfill our responsibility.
Not because we did not
or could not give
enough,
but because our heart knows no limits
on how much
to give them.
If our tension
was created by our resistance
to fear.
By loving our fear
we can also
release it
The root
of “wisdom”
is “weid-,”
“to see.”
When we realize empathy,
we connect
our experience
with that
of another.
Experiences
we did not know
to connect.
And it is in that instant,
we come to see
something
we previously
did not.
If Steve is right
that creativity
is coming to see something
others
could not
by connecting
experiences,
then perhaps realizing empathy
is creativity
imbued with the wisdom
of love.
He thinks
he cultivated a company culture
that motivated me
and brought out
my best.
In reality,
I thought he was the father
I never had.
I was motivated
not to work hard,
but to get his _love_
instead of my father’s.
Why?
Because it was easier.
After all,
all it required
was to work
hard.
Working hard
was not enough
for my father.
I’m glad
the culture didn’t block me
from seeking his love,
but it wasn’t the culture
that motivated me
or brought out
my best.
The person
whose love,
validation,
and respect we need
is often also the person
whose need for love,
validation,
and respect
we neglect
to appreciate
or understand fully.
Sometimes, we need
to feel trusted by others
first
before we can trust
ourselves.
Sometimes, we need
to be shown hope by others
first
before we can see hope
ourselves.
Sometimes, we need
to feel loved by others
first
before we can love
ourselves.
As doth
a streetlight,
being there
for each other
with their lights on,
with nary a guarantee
of the future,
we
will get through this.
p.s: Economically speaking, startups are being hit more seriously than I had expected. Thus, until May 18th, I will be providing free-of-charge executive coaching sessions to all Founding CEOs with the heavy responsibility of making payroll for 5 or more employees. Click here to sign up. Feel free to share it with those in need.
One
of the most common emotions
founders discover
within themselves
is vengefulness.
In the presence
of vengefulness
it’s sometimes worth asking
whether our time
is best spent
on what we hate
vs
what we love.
Because sometimes
we may only have enough time
to choose
between
supporting
who or what we love
vs
hurting
who or what we hate.
Except
the lack of time
isn’t always obvious
until we explore
the question.
In fact,
we may not even realize
that we are experiencing
vengefulness
until we realize empathy
with ourselves.
Love is a force that can hold the space between “self” and “other.”
Relationship is the quality of space between “self” and “other.”
Being in love with an “other,”
and having a good relationship with them
are two different issues.
Whether the “other” is people, work, things, etc…
Let us not confuse concern with love.
There’s nothing wrong with feeling concern for the people we love. At the same time, concern arises out of fear, not love. Yes, concern can be fueled by care, but care is not love.
It’s worth asking ourselves if desires like “I want my employees to perform better” or “I want my students to be successful,” are born out of fear or love.
The kinds of design that emerge out of repressed and unidentified fear can be unhelpful to others at best and harmful at its worst.
