What if Irony is Judging Others for Lacking Empathy?
There are things
to be achieved.
Then there are things
to be discovered.
When we confuse something
that needs to be discovered
with something that needs
to be achieved
we may achieve
only to wonder
why it feels
insufficient.
Because what is to be discovered
cannot be known
before the discovery
while achievement assumes
the exact
opposite.
People often think
greed
is wanting more.
Greed
may also indicate
a lack of clarity
around what we really
want.
Because a lack of clarity
around what we really want
can often breed anxiety
around a perpetual sense
of not having enough.
After all,
how can we have enough
of what we don’t know
we want?
Sometimes
we ask
“Am I doing
enough?”
Forgetting to ask
“Enough
to what?”
Without the answer
to the second question,
our sense of progress
can be
unclear.
Once
our sense of progress
becomes
clear,
the first question
may become
unnecessary.
When it feels
as if we’re not doing enough,
a useful question to ask
can be
“From whom do I need recognition
or validation?”
Often times,
what makes something “enough”
is not what we do,
but knowing how certain people feel
about what we do.
It can sometimes be difficult
to admit
that we need recognition
or validation.
But we all need it
from time to time.
“I did my best.
I meditated.
I actively listened.
I created psychological safety.
Yet, they still let me down…”
a founder lamented.
…
Once upon a time,
I was cheated on.
Externally,
I was angry.
I thought I had done
my best,
and yet
this had still happened.
Some said,
that to recover
I needed to hear
her regret.
Perhaps.
But I was already overwhelmed
with my own.
“I should’ve done X.”
“I could’ve done Y better .”
“Why didn’t I know
that Z was not enough?”
Because internally,
I was ashamed.
In hindsight,
what I needed
was appreciation.
The kind
that would’ve helped me let go
of the unconscious belief
that I hadn’t actually
“done my best,”
and thus deserved
to be abandoned.
…
There are times,
when we think “doing our best”
means following best practices
as espoused by podcasts
or academic research.
It can.
So long as it also means
accepting we’ve done our best
even if the practices fail.
So long as it also means
learning to grieve
when they fail.
So long as it also means
leveraging the meaning
of them having failed.
All
for the purpose
of recovery.
