Author: Seung Chan Lim
Privilege
One way
to discuss privilege
is to focus on the burden of gifts
others
have given us.
Wealth,
Opportunity,
Access…
Another way
to discuss privilege
is to focus on the gifts
we have
to give.
We cannot always force others
to give their gifts
to people
other
than ourselves.
But we can give
our own gifts
to anyone
we choose.
Misunderstanding Perfection
Perfection
is a feeling.
What is perfect
to one
is imperfect
to another.
What is perfect
one day
is not perfect
the next.
We can misunderstand perfection
if we focus solely
on clarifying the measurement
of perfection.
We can better understand perfection
by clarifying the tension
underlying the drive
for perfection.
It wasn’t the Culture
He thinks
he cultivated a company culture
that motivated me
and brought out
my best.
In reality,
I thought he was the father
I never had.
I was motivated
not to work hard,
but to get his _love_
instead of my father’s.
Why?
Because it was easier.
After all,
all it required
was to work
hard.
Working hard
was not enough
for my father.
I’m glad
the culture didn’t block me
from seeking his love,
but it wasn’t the culture
that motivated me
or brought out
my best.
Flow and Empathizing
Apr 4th 2014 12:55pm ET
Dear Dr. Csikszentmihalyi
It occurs to me
that the sense of “oneness” we feel
when we empathize
may be related
to the sense of “oneness” we feel
when we’re in flow.
Have you ever wondered
if they were related?
Would be an honor
to hear from you,
with much gratitude
slim
Apr 4th 2014 2:33pm ET
Hi Slim,
That feeling
is something you can experience
as a result of different ways
of organizing your attention:
By feeling a sense of awe
looking at the ocean or the starry sky,
by meditating,
or by engaging in an activity
that produces flow.
I don’t know
whether these are exactly the same
— we have no way to measure “oneness”
except by relying on subjective accounts —
but they sure sound very
similar . . .
Best,
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Support vs Rescue
When I rescue,
I
take responsibility
for carrying out the actions
that increase the chance
of someone’s survival.
When I support,
I help someone
learn
the choice to take responsibility
for carrying out the actions
that increase the chance
of their own survival.
The Temptation
The temptation
is to use empathy
as a means
to persuade.
To be right.
To win.
Far more difficult
is to realize empathy
as a means
to create.
To learn something
new.
To win
together.
How can I help?
For people in need of help
“How can I help?”
can be an overwhelming
question.
Instead,
listen and inquire deeply.
To unearth
their unconscious concerns.
Respect creatively.
To make value
from their unappreciated concerns.
Request permission.
Before sharing the load
of those specific concerns.
Be honest.
Enough to share
your own struggles.
And most importantly,
follow up.
Soon,
the need to ask
“How can I help?”
will vanish.