Sometimes
problems are better solved
when we do not try
to problem solve.
Day: September 14, 2025
Managing “Up”
Lack of experience
can allude us to think
that there is such a thing
as managing “up.”
Just as we eventually learn
that our parents
need our support
just as we need theirs,
what we misunderstand as “up”
What we eventually learn
is that “up” is an illusion.
Once we realize
that parents manage us
primarily because of the conern
they feel
we can proactively manage them
by alleviating their concern
Sustainable Empathy
Compassion can indeed be taxing because it often motivates us to want to rescue others. Compassion seems to inspire the image of the Atlas that has the world on his shoulders. That’s not very sustainable. I’m sure you’ve heard how care givers often burn out.
Empathy, on the other hand, is about creating connection without judgment. No judgment of good or bad and right or wrong, for example. This means nobody is trying to rescue anyone. It is about remaining in a creative state. Sometimes this comes naturally. Others times this doesn’t come naturally. For us to realize empathy in situations where this doesn’t come naturally we often need the support of others. Otherwise we can get stuck in a rut having difficulty empathizing. (i.e kinda like waiting alone for creative inspiration to strike vs brain storming with others for the creative inspiration) So to get unstuck, a provision of an effective support system is critical. That support system can make empathy quite a bit more sustainable.
Perfection vs Development
What we once deemed
perfect
in hindsight
is often
not.
But it is
better
than the one
previous.
That
is enough.
Amplification of Judgment
One
of the easiest ways
to get social media engagement
is to judge people.
Judge our boss, toxic,
the post shall go viral fulfilling t
Judge our subordinates, lazy.
Judge our country hell.
Is this the world
we want to pass down
to our children?
What is Empathy
Empathy
is a word
that explains why
we can feel
as if we’re connected
across boundaries
and distance.
Connecting across boundaries
is neither absolutely good
nor absolutely bad.
What it is
is a curious,
sometimes surprising,
phenomena.
What meaning
and value
is created
or discovered
and by whom
will determine
whether it is good
or bad.
Two Sets of Questions
- Why do I lack so much motivation and willpower?
- How can I not feel pain and discomfort?
- What more can I do?
- How can I more effectively communicate my pain to others?
Which leaves the tension unreleased, does nothing to the weight carried
Creates even more tension, adds even more weight
Which will probably create more tension.
Which creates more weight, thus more tension, maybe even trigger our injury
How can I (re)design my thinking process and interactions with people in or around my business, such that I can regularly…
- Restore my energy and vitality.
- Release my tensions.
- Share, offload, or temporarily stash some of the weight I’m carrying.
- Recover from and prevent injuries, or at least minimize the chance of triggering them.
Validation
At first,
I thought I had to do something huge
for my life
to be worth something.
Until I realized
that doing something huge
would still not be enough
unless I could feel
that it was indeed
worth it.
In other words,
what I was after
was a feeling.
…
Once I realized
that validation
was what I was after,
I noticed I lacked clarity
on whose validation I craved
and why.
…
Once I gained clarity
on whose validation I craved
and why,
it turned out
there were only a handful of people
whose validation
I deeply craved.
So I went to them
one by one
to learn how I can provide them
value,
only to learn
how remarkably simple—
not easy, but simple—
it was
to do so.
It was then
that I realized
that at the end of the day,
the most difficult challenge
wasn’t
earning their validation.
The most difficult challenge
was accepting
that my life can have significant worth
without doing something
huge.
Confusing Empathy
“But empathy
can be draining!”
protested
the founder.
“Give me
an example
of a time
when empathy
drained you.”
I asked.
“In my last 1-on-1
I wanted to tell my employee
how horrible
they were doing.
But I kept my mouth shut
because I didn’t want
to hurt him.”
she answered.
“What emotions did you feel
when you thought of
the possibility
of hurting him?”
I asked.
“Worry.”
she answered.
“There is nothing wrong
with feeling worry.
In fact, I appreciate your willingness to notice
and to acknowledge it.
At the same time,
I want to invite you
to not blame empathy
for our worry.”