What if Irony is Judging Others for Lacking Empathy?
When something
or someone
with which we hyper-empathize
is threatened,
we can obsess over rescuing
or protecting
that something
or someone
with which
we hyper-empathize.
This can drive us
to lose sight
of everything around us
and focus solely
on the survival
of only those
with which we hyper-empathize,
even if
it is at the expense of others
with whom
we do not
hyper-empathize,
even if the other
is our so-called
“self.”
“I want to kill him,”
she said,
her heads down,
referring to her co-founder.
“Tell me how you’d do it.”
I asked,
“What?”
she looked up
puzzled.
“I want to hear your plan.”
I responded.
“Ha ha ha!”
she laughed out loud.
I smiled,
noticing her shoulders relax
and tension release.
We tend to associate
progress
with forward movement.
But sometimes
stopping
and not moving at all
can be progress,
if that’s what’s required
for us gain the clarity required
to move
not merely forward,
but in the direction
we desire.
We are born
to need
the support of others.
This is more obvious,
when we’re near birth
or near death.
In between,
we may pretend
we don’t need
support
or we may think
we’re weak
if we do.
When we acquire
power,
the kind that allows us
to feel
as if we never have to expose
our vulnerabilities,
or the kind that allows us
to punish
anyone who dare come near
our vulnerabilities,
may we be careful
with that power,
because it can easily take over
our mind.
If fear accompanies
the prediction
of a negative future event,
we fear
in so far as we believe
we’ll live past
the negative future
event.
Once we realize
that we may die
prior
to the negative future event
much can change.
What if
happiness
is simply the momentary absence
of our tendency
to predict
the negative.
When someone leans on us
we sometimes mistake them
for falling,
which inspires us
to rescue them.
But all they really need
is for us
to support them
while they lean.
p.s: My gratitude goes out to Pinky Parsons for inspiring this post.
If our tension
was created by our resistance
to fear.
By loving our fear
we can also
release it
Dr. Lewis Lipsitt, the developmental psychologist who has had the most impact on my work, passed away this past week.
I wanted to share with you a tribute I had written late last year.
I’m glad that I was offered a chance to write this tribute while he was alive. Otherwise, I would have repeated the mistake I had made more than a decade ago with another person who has had a deep impact on me, Dr. Randy Pausch.
When I think of Lew,
the first thing that happens
is that I feel.
I feel…
presence.
The kind of presence
that makes me feel
as if I’ve entered
a bubble.
A bubble of safety,
security,
and stability.
Even with other people around,
this bubble makes me feel
as if the only participants present
are Lew
and I.
Actually,
that’s not quite right.
There is one more participant.
I shall call the participant …
warmth.
Lew exudes warmth
through the way he carries himself,
the way he speaks,
the way he locks eyes with you,
not to mention
his tone of voice.
Perhaps
it is that warmth,
which occupies the space
between
and around the two of us,
that creates
the bubble
of safety,
security,
and stability.
The second thing that happens
is that I feel humbled.
Humbled…
by a profound remark he shared with me
on what it means
to mature.
That we mature
when what we once assumed to know
takes on more complexity and nuance,
thus changing in meaning.
Just as we can read the same novel
at different stages of our lives
only to draw out new
and different meaning.
Just as we can be with the same parents
at different stages of our lives
only to form new
and different meaning
in the relationship.
Just as most issues critical to our lives—
issues we think we know—
simply gets more complex and nuanced
as we live our lives.
Looking back,
warmth on one hand
humility on the other,
I cannot help but remember
that it was a random act of kindness,
that Lew accepted my invitation
for an interview.
An act,
which I received
as a profound form
of support.
An act,
that leaves marks
10 years
from its first impression.
An act,
that not only inspires my gratitude,
but also a strong will
and desire
to reciprocate the same act
of kindness
with my own random encounters.
Thank you, Lew,
for being a model
and a voice
ever-present in my heart
and mind.
It is with your presence
that I am richer
in heart,
mind,
and spirit.
Thank you
and I love you.
