What if Irony is Judging Others for Lacking Empathy?
100% of the CEOs
who told me they had a lot of empathy
were proven wrong
when I asked their direct reports
and their family members.
Not because they lacked empathy
absolutely,
but because we all lack empathy
sometimes.
Except,
that sometime
may be a critical moment for some
enough for them to remember
that we were not there
when they needed us
to be there for them
the most.
To know
right
and wrong
is to become aware
of the context
in which judge
right
or wrong.
When we work inside a company,
we think we know what is right
and what is wrong,
without awareness
that the company in which we work
makes our judgment
right or wrong.
We are then surprised
that when the context changes
what we once thorugh right
or wrong
is no longer.
It is easy
to judge beauty
as lacking
function.
Unaware
of how his behavior changes
when faced
with beauty.
Just because the function isn’t clear
doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter
it just means, it’s versatile
When it seems like
“others”
are doing something
“wrong,”
we may eventually realize
empathy
to discover
that they may only be doing “wrong”
what you
want them to do
while simultaneously doing “right”
what they themselves
want to do.
What “experts” or “professionals” may not get
about Paul Graham’s essay
is that it’s _primarily_ an act
of permission-giving.
The details of the essay
matters much less.
Many founders have felt pressured
by “experts” or “professionals” telling them
how to run their own companies.
It matters less
whether the advice came from VCs
with no experience running a company
or from Founders
with much experience running a company.
The fact of the matter is
what worked in context A
doesn’t always work
in context B.
That’s the limitation
of _advice-giving_
itself.
Paul’s essay
is making it ok for founders to say
“no thanks,”
to “expert” or “professional” advice.
To go at it
“my way,”
for better
or for worse.
That’s much needed permission
for the Founders who have felt pressured
to follow “expert” or “professional” advice.
To be clear,
this is also a reminder
that when something isn’t working
we can either take responsibility
for doing what we believe
is right
or abdicate responsibility
by doing what others believe
is right,
because we’re either
afraid of being wrong
or feel helpless
without a choice.
…
For the “experts” or “professionals,”
Paul’s essay is an invitation
to also learn how to help
without giving advice.
Without resorting to
telling people what to do,
but instead
working with them
to create something neither
could have created
alone.
“I don’t need validation from others.”
He said.
“I just need validation from myself.”
He continued.
“What would have to happen
for you to validate
yourself?”
She asked.
“I would have to hit 10M
in annual revenue.”
He answered.
“Who would give you that money?”
She asked.
“Nobody would give me that money.
I would earn it!”
He answered
valiantly.
“Earn
from whom?”
She asked.
“The customers.”
He answered
“So you need validation
from your customers?”
She asked.
“Yes.”
He answered.
Too many times,
have I heard that talent
without hard work
is nothing.
The over-emphasis on hard work
can mask the fact
that talent is talent
precisely because
it’s not hard work.
Sometimes
we spend so much time
trying to get better at what is hard
at the expense of discovering how what comes easy,
our talent,
can be shaped
to provide significant value.
Business
is often compared
to a war.
There are
competitions.
Founders
feel hurt in the process.
It is important
to survive.
…
But business
is also different
from a war.
Because you may win a war
by crushing the competition.
But in business
even in the absence of competition
you only win
by winning with
the customers.
I once heard someone
90 years old
tell an audience
that she regretted not studying
her favorite foreign language
sooner.
When asked how sooner,
she replied
“30 years ago.”
When asked why then,
she replied
“When I was 60,
I told myself
that I don’t have much time left
so why bother
learning another language.
…
Little did I know,
that I had 30 more years in me.”
We sometimes say
“if I were them,
I wouldn’t have done that.”
The question is not merely
whether we would have behaved
differently.
The question is
had we the same
emotions,
intentions,
needs,
and values
whether we would have behaved
differently.
