Realizing Empathy | Blog

Often times,
what we need
is a story,
based on facts,
with which we can
realize empathy

As long as the story is based on facts,
whether that story is actually the reason
or not is less important.

What matters is that
we can understand and appreciate
why
in a way that depersonalizes us
(if the reason why certain stories are not acceptable or hanunting us is
because it personalizes us
it faults us.

The story right now is mom left me because she thought I was worthless
if I can appreciate her story of how much fear she felt of the thought of raising a child,
then I can understand,

but appreciation has to come first
not understanding

because even if we understand that someone is doing something because they’re insecure
without appreciation of the insecurity
we can easily judge the insecurity
as a weapon to say “well, they shouldn’t be so insecure if they’re CEO!”

The challenge
of whether or not
to fire someone
is rarely a challenge
of whether or not
to fire them.

The real challenge
may not become clear
until we acknowledge
the emotions we feel
confronted with the prospect
of firing them.

Guilt
Regret
Gratitude

Conflicted with

Certainty

The need to maintain relationship.

“What do you remember
as the single most
disrespectful event
you’ve experienced
as an employee?”
the founder asked.

“Being treated
as a means
to the company’s
ends”
I replied.

“But isn’t that
natural?”
she asked.

“From the company’s perspective,
perhaps.”
I replied.

“But from the employee’s
perspective
I’m sacrificing my time and energy
to be with you
when I could be
with someone else

We say
we have too much
to do.

When it may be
that we choose to do
more than we can
handle.

There are times
when taking responsibility
restores the power we need
to take charge
of our lives.

“Can you coach
one of my direct reports, too?”
asked the founder.

“Only if
you’re willing to accept the possibility
that they’ll feel empowered
to leave your company.”
I replied.